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When Our Adult Children Walk Away

When Our Adult Children Walk Away

By: Dr. Janet Steinkamp EdD
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About this listen

My story. Reflecting my opinions and perspective - in my words.

In the early spring of 2019, after several years of trying to sort through our erratic relationship - and under the influence of a gatekeeper partner - my (young) adult daughter made the difficult choice to cut all communication with our family.

I know now that she tried for a very long time to get her messages across to me - years - without success. I remember times when she explained that she needed me to listen and know her better, accept her new and evolving boundaries, recognize her as an emerging adult, and modify my communication style to be more respectful. She needed and expected change. I didn't take her seriously and didn't listen to learn. I listened to respond, explain and convince.

It took many months after she went no-contact to cycle through my grief. Like you, I experienced disbelief, anger and hopelessness before I could begin to accept my role in the reality of our circumstances. Even then, as I began to take responsibility for my contributions - the pain, confusion and hopelessness were often overwhelming.

As difficult as it is to admit. I've come to accept that my contributions to our fractured relationship played a substantial role in her vulnerability to the charm of a narcissist. In her case, he was also her supervisor. The inherent power differential, her desire to please her boss, and her need for income positioned her perfectly to be manipulated and controlled. Eventually, she succumbed to his advances, and the rest is history.

Today, I humbly and gratefully report that my daughter, our family and I have reconnected. My daughter found her voice and the inner strength to leave a toxic and dangerous relationship, pack up her children, and return to our family. After extensive therapy and with strong family support, Brianna (she prefers Bri) often consults with me as I coach estranged parents and adult children who want to understand their circumstances and embrace their new emerging self-awareness.

My name is Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and the reason for this podcast is simple. During the long, dark hours of my isolation and desperation, I decided to use my education and professional (and personal) experience to help people struggling to understand their communication style, interpersonal behavior and estrangement circumstances. I now coach people through their long dark hours, isolation, and desperation to find hope and look toward the future – to grow despite and because of their estrangement- and find strategies that help them prepare to repair their relationship.

When you are ready to walk through the hot coals of self-reflection toward self-discovery - to prepare for repair - I'm here to walk alongside you. In each episode of the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, we explore topics relevant to all who hope to reconnect with an estranged adult child or who are estranged from their parents. The material in each episode relates explicitly to the messy and exhausting fresh hell of estrangement.

When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast, blog, interviews, group conversations, and 1:1 coaching are at your fingertips. Though I can't promise reconnection, I can and will help you find clarity, purpose and strength as you prepare for opportunities to reconnect. WOACWA offers a judgment-free space to face and explore the unbearable.

© 2025 When Our Adult Children Walk Away Parenting & Families Personal Development Personal Success Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries

    Navigating Awkward Questions About Your Estrangement: Kindly Setting Boundaries
    Aug 10 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught.

    In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren.

    Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation.

    By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitude, all parties concerned can feel they've done their part to support us, to show concern, and we feel like we're keeping the light on.

    When a busybody comes with questions, we handle them differently. To learn more about managing busy bodies without causing conflict or increasing their curiousity check out the episode titiled Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message

    https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/2134816/episodes/15899426-cracking-the-busy-body-code-managing-your-message

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Show More Show Less
    12 mins
  • 5 Common Mistakes Therapists Make When Working With Us - Estranged Parents

    5 Common Mistakes Therapists Make When Working With Us - Estranged Parents
    Jul 13 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize red flags and get the most beneficial and effective therapeutic services to assist you in navigating your estranged relationship. Grab your notebook and your favorite chair, and let’s dig into this important topic together.

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Show More Show Less
    13 mins
  • Father’s Day in Silence: A Heart-to-Heart for Estranged Dads

    Father’s Day in Silence: A Heart-to-Heart for Estranged Dads
    Jun 10 2025

    Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

    This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child.

    Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you.

    Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care of your heart while staying open to healing.

    Highlights

    • Father’s Day can stir deep emotional pain: feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame—and society often compounds that by painting a picture of what fatherhood “should” look like.
    • Estranged dads often wrestle with tough questions: Will my child reach out? Should I say something first? What if I just make things worse?
    • Develop a strategy for open communication: recognize and respond to your estranged adult child's boundaries. Plan your response to and recognition of their needs and expectations.
    • If you’re considering reaching out this Father’s Day, lead with reflection, not reaction: Keep messages simple and pressure-free, and know that trust is built through steady, respectful steps over time—not just one day.

    #EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth #RebuildTrust

    https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/about

    Support the show

    For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

    The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

    The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.
    Show More Show Less
    19 mins
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