In this episode of the Wet Dreamz Podcast, we dive into STEP 5 of their eight step recovery model for men struggling with out-of-control sexual behaviors, such as porn use and sex addiction. Titled "Disassembling," this step focuses on breaking down the underlying patterns and coping mechanisms driving these behaviors. The conversation explores how unresolved trauma—whether big or small ("big T" or "little t")—often plays a hidden role, even when many men minimize or dismiss their own experiences.

We discuss the importance of acknowledging and addressing past trauma, recognizing harmful thought patterns, and understanding the self-perpetuating cycle of unhealthy coping mechanisms. We also touch on the resistance many men feel to labeling past experiences as traumatic, the societal stigma around acknowledging vulnerability, and the ways trauma impacts both individuals and their relationships. The episode encourages listeners to confront difficult truths, question negative self-beliefs, and seek healthier ways to cope and heal, all while emphasizing that meaningful change, though uncomfortable, is both possible and worthwhile.

Eight Step Model viewable PDF⁠⁠

https://shorturl.at/MDJUC

Timestamps00:00 "Disassembling and Setting Boundaries"

06:13 "Mislabeling Childhood Sexual Abuse"

08:52 Recognizing Hidden Emotional Trauma

10:40 Disassembling Harmful Coping Mechanisms

15:00 Realizing and Overcoming Negative Coping

19:56 Systems Resist Change

20:58 Recovery Brings Challenges and Change

25:03 "Understanding Triggers and Actions"

28:50 "Affairs Aren't Real Life"

31:48 Breaking Harmful Coping Patterns

34:45 Surface vs. Deeper Behavioral Analysis

37:30 "Wet Dreams Podcast Disclaimer"

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In this episode of the Wet Dreamz Podcast, we dive deep into the impact of the "silent father" archetype on men’s emotional and sexual health. We reflect on how having an emotionally distant or stoic father often shapes sons’ ability to understand and express their feelings, and we share some of our own experiences as well as what we’ve seen in our clients. We talk about the ways this dynamic can lead to struggles with emotional awareness, difficulties in relationships, and even compulsive behaviors later in life.

We also look at why these patterns repeat across generations and discuss the confusing family messages that so many of us received growing up about emotions and vulnerability. Throughout the episode, we emphasize the importance of starting small—just noticing your feelings—and being patient with yourself as you develop new emotional skills, even if it feels awkward at first. We even touch on how partners can support each other through this process.

This conversation is personal, honest, and packed with insights for anyone looking to better understand the effects of father-son dynamics and how to start healing and breaking those cycles.

Timestamps

00:00 Impact of the Silent Father

04:46 Silent Dads, Silent Emotions

08:01 Traditional Male Problem-Solving Methods

11:52 Reflecting on Masculine Emotional Resistance

14:06 Family Image and Secrecy

18:26 High School Sneak Out Drama

20:22 Impact of Upbringing on Adulthood

25:00 Emotional Suppression and Addiction Cycle

27:54 Emotional Disconnect in Relationships

29:57 Emotional Awareness Post-Crisis

33:45 Parental Emotional Disconnect

36:36 "Embrace Noticing and Trying"

40:21 Parenting and Emotional Growth Analogy

43:26 Podcast Disclaimer: Informational Use Only

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In this episode of the Wet Dreamz Podcast, host Jose Gonzalez and guest Dr. Brad Hinman dive into Step 4 of their eight-step recovery model: defining the real problem behind compulsive sexual behaviors like porn use. They emphasize that while porn might seem like the core issue, it’s actually a symptom of deeper emotional needs—such as a lack of affirmation, respect, or validation—that aren’t being met in healthy ways. The conversation explores how therapists help clients uncover these underlying issues by looking for themes in their personal histories and recurring emotional patterns. Jose and Dr. Hinman share insights on the challenges men face in identifying their “why,” including resistance to change, never having reflected on their motivations before, and societal habits of compartmentalizing problems. The episode ends with practical advice for those struggling to define their core issues, encouraging gentle self-reflection and curiosity to find healthier coping mechanisms rather than relying on porn or other destructive habits.

Eight Step Model viewable PDF⁠

https://shorturl.at/MDJUC

Timestamps:

00:00 "Defining the Problem: Step 4"

06:27 Identifying and Addressing Needs

07:08 Life's Bird's Eye View Insights

11:43 Resistance to Change

15:49 Identifying Roots of Conflict

18:35 Reflect on Past to Heal Future

22:34 "Understanding and Disassembling Coping Mechanisms"

24:57 Overcoming Negative Behaviors

27:09 Personalized Coping Mechanism Discovery

33:41 Introspective Coping Without Unhealthy Habits

36:04 "Be Your Own Detective"

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