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The Unexpected Loneliness of Fatherhood with Sam Graham-Felsen

The Unexpected Loneliness of Fatherhood with Sam Graham-Felsen

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 Why do so many dads lose touch with their friends — and why does no one talk about it?Kevin Maguire sits down with writer Sam Graham-Felsen for a candid conversation about male loneliness, modern masculinity, and the friendships fathers quietly need but rarely prioritise. From the myths of toughness to the courage it takes to reach out, this episode challenges the idea that men are supposed to do parenthood alone.Where to Find Sam Graham-FelsenWebsite: https://www.samgf.comSam's novel "Green": https://www.amazon.com/Green-Novel-Sam-Graham-Felsen/dp/0399591141Episode ReferencesSam’s Badlands essay: “I Tried to Toughen Up My Son. Things Didn’t Go as Planned.” https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/19/magazine/national-parks-badlands-roosevelt-south-dakota.htmlSam’s essay on male loneliness: “Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?" https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/25/magazine/male-friendships.htmlKevin’s essay, “Where’s My Jenny?” https://www.thenewfatherhood.org/p/wheres-my-jennyBrooklyn Stroll Club (example of dads building community): https://brooklynstrollclub.substack.com/p/welcome-to-brooklyn-stroll-clubMan of the Year podcast episode on the “TCS method” (Text/Call/See): https://bleav.com/shows/man-of-the-year/episodes/86-how-often-should-you-see-your-friends-aka-the-tcs-method/Theodore Roosevelt and the Strenuous Life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Strenuous_LifeDadurdays: IRL meetups in a city near you https://www.thenewfatherhood.org/p/introducing-dadurdays-irl-meetupsMen calling to wish each other goodnight https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNRyyCCyx/Ray Charles — "America the Beautiful" (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FXN1Z6Q004Bruce Springsteen — "Badlands" (Official Lyric Video, YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-ME4n-mKKcWoody Guthrie — "This Land Is Your Land" (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxiMrvDbq3sTimestamps00:00 — Why adult men lose friendships (and why it matters)02:00 — The loneliness gap in early fatherhood: “Where are the people checking on me?”04:00 — The first time Sam felt like a dad (Prospect Park leaf walks)08:00 — The Badlands trip, Theodore Roosevelt, and the myth of “toughening up your son”12:00 — Bullying, humiliation, and how confidence collapses in unexpected places15:00 — What’s changing for boys (gender norms) vs what’s worsening (cyberbullying)18:00 — Helping kids pick friends: “nice” and shared interests over status21:00 — Writing publicly about loneliness: why it’s hard, and why it lands22:00 — The cultural script: dads should provide, achieve… and outgrow friendship23:00 — Friendship as the most underrated mental health strategy25:00 — “Where’s my Jenny?” + being the dad who reaches out first26:00 — The “intruder dad” feeling in mum-heavy parenting spaces29:00 — Dad Days + WhatsApp groups: you get out what you put in33:00 — TCM/TCS method: text weekly, call monthly, see quarterly35:00 — Why phone calls are weirdly hard (and how to make them work)36:00 — Voice notes + “private podcasts” as friendship glue37:00 — The “asynchronous book club” idea Get full access to The New Fatherhood at www.thenewfatherhood.org/subscribe
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