How to tell your story with pride when IVF failed and you are living childless after infertility.

When IVF fails and motherhood did not happen, it is so easy to feel like your only option is to hide. You spent years doing everything you possibly could—fertility treatments, doctors’ appointments, lifestyle changes, endless waiting. You gave your body, your money, your heart, and your time to the dream of becoming a mom. And despite all of it, you find yourself living childless after infertility.

In those moments, it can feel impossible to talk about what really happened. Maybe you have learned to keep quiet because the pain feels too heavy. Maybe you are tired of comments like “You could always adopt” or “At least you can sleep in.” Maybe you worry about making others uncomfortable.

But here is the truth: hiding from your infertility story will never create the life you crave.

In this episode, I share why there is nothing more beautiful than telling your story, even when IVF failed and motherhood didn’t happen. I will show you how owning your infertility story changes the way you see yourself and how others see you, and how telling your story can open the door to a future that feels powerful, grounded, and deeply meaningful.

• Why you can feel proud of your infertility story even if IVF failed

• How hiding keeps you small and why telling your truth sets you free

• What life can feel like when the question “Do you have kids” no longer holds power over you

• How sharing your story helps you reconnect with your body, your friendships, and your future

You may not have the children you dreamed of, but you can still live a life that feels rich, purposeful, and joyful. Your story is not one of failure. Your story is one of strength. And there is nothing more beautiful than learning how to tell it.

• Register for my free masterclass (Wednesday 9/17): Things People Say When You Are Childless - click HERE

• Join my World Childless Week webinar (Saturday, Sept 20): Register here

• Download my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) click HERE.

When IVF fails and you’re childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with “at least you can…” comments.

But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman.

Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

Have you ever been told “At least you can travel” or “At least you don’t have to pay for college” after your IVF failed? If you’re childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these “at least you can” comments feel. People think they’re comforting, but they rarely land that way.

In this week’s episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don’t help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn’t feel.

You’ll hear:

• Why people reach for “at least” comments and what it reveals about society’s discomfort with sadness

• How my nephew’s recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else’s sadness

• The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails

• Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you

• How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life

• Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength

This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby.

Free Resources & Upcoming Events

• Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!

• World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I’m leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!

☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The “So Now What?” Podcast!
If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource.

As a thank-you, I’ll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card.

👉 Here’s how to claim it:

1. Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review.
   
   Take a screenshot once your review is posted.

2. Email it to me here: hi@lanamanikowski.com
   
   

When I receive your screenshot, I’ll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me.

Sadness doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn’t define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing “at least you can” comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.

When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace.

Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just trying to protect you.

In Episode 182 of The “So Now What?” Podcast, you will discover why your brain works the way it does after infertility and how to start rewiring it so you can feel calmer, steadier, and more in control of your story.

You will learn:

• Why your “smoke alarm brain” gets so sensitive after IVF fails and infertility treatments end

• What it means to “name it” when you feel yourself reacting (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn)

• How to look for glimmers of safety that calm your nervous system faster than pep talks

• Why bridge thoughts are more believable and more healing than toxic positivity

• How shifting the way you respond to infertility triggers helps you reclaim peace and confidence in your childless life

Once you stop seeing your body and brain as the enemy, everything changes: your friendships, your marriage, your time, and your ability to create a meaningful future without children.

Announcements

🌍 World Childless Week
On Saturday, September 20th at 2pm BST (8am CT / 9am ET) I am honored to be leading a panel: Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Each panelist has walked a unique path through autoimmune conditions, male factor infertility, singlehood, and female factor infertility. Together, we will share reflections on moving from “hopeful mother” to confident women living life on our own terms.

This is not a conversation about what was lost. It is about what is possible. If you are ready to feel proud of the woman you are, with no disclaimers and no shame, this is for you.
Register here

🎓 Free Live Masterclass
I am hosting another session of Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond), this time scheduled to fit international listeners. It is happening on September 18th at 11:30am CT / 5:30pm BST.

This is a brand new class, not a replay. If you have ever frozen, shut down, or replayed conversations after someone made a comment about your childlessness, this live call will give you practical language and mindset tools to respond with confidence.
Register here

Free Resource

Get my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)
Download your copy here

You do not have to stay stuck in autopilot reactions. Your brain is not broken, it just needs a new way forward. Tune in now to learn how to begin calming your brain after IVF fails so you can feel safe, steady, and proud of the life you are creating without children.