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This week we take aim at Valentine’s Day — not love itself, just the commercialized circus around it. We’re joined by our special guest Alicia Gayman, owner of Peace Love and Hair Salon in Scottsdale, who shares her jaw-dropping story that started like a fairytale and quickly turned into a full-blown nightmare. What she went through is shocking, eye-opening, and a powerful reminder to trust your gut.

After that, we get into our full Valentine’s Day rant: why we think it’s a manufactured holiday, why a single long-stem rose feels ridiculous, and why going out to dinner on February 14 is overpriced chaos. We break down all the things that make us roll our eyes — the pressure, the expectations, and the performative romance.

But true to our vibe, this isn’t a bash-love episode. Now that Alicia is on the other side of her experience, we ask her what she’s looking for in a partner — and discover that she’s still very much open to love!

It’s honest, funny, a little messy, and surprisingly hopeful — with plenty of side-eye for Cupid along the way.

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This week on “Girl Math Made Me Subscribe,” The Shit Apple Podcast dives headfirst into the wild, slippery waters of subscriptions. From the absolutely necessary to the utterly unhinged, the three of us tally up what we’re paying for, what we forgot we signed up for, and what we will die on a hill defending. Shelley introduces us to her digital hall monitor Rocket Money, which lovingly exposes every charge while she calmly refuses to break up with any of them.

We travel back in time to when subscriptions meant newspapers on your doorstep, magazines in your mailbox, and cassette tapes arriving like little plastic promises of joy. Then we rocket forward to today’s ecosystem of streaming services, fitness apps, sleep trackers, and sneaky “free trials” that pounce on your credit card like a glittery trap.

Along the way, we unpack all the psychological tricks companies use to rope you in, why canceling feels harder than breaking a blood oath, and why auto-renew might be the most chaotic invention of modern life.

Grab your receipts, clutch your wallet, and join us for an episode that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe finally look at that credit card statement with fresh eyes 💸✨

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✨ Bougie Behavior Unlocked ✨

In this episode, we fully embrace the things we’ve become unapologetically high-maintenance about. From refusing to rent the wrong color car, demanding keyless entry like civilized people, and insisting on organic everything, to only using top-notch cookware, skipping lines, enduring terrible concert seats, or staying in crusty hotels with that suspicious bedspread.

We’re calling ourselves out. Loudly.

Plus, we read a listener’s “You Know What I Hate!” because nothing bonds people like shared petty grievances.

If your standards have risen and your patience has vanished, this one’s for you. 🎧✨

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Welcome to a support group where no one wants support, only witnesses. 👀

This week we’re confessing every tiny, unhinged, accidental and extremely intentional way people beg for attention… starting with ourselves, because obviously.

We roast Shelley for fully believing she’s famous now that a handful of people recognize her voice from the podcast. We admit the loudest truth of all: starting a podcast is basically Attention Seeking Level One. Diana claims she was “recognized” at Costco… until we uncover it was actually Tiffany’s dad, Bruce.

From people who sneeze seventeen times in a row at IMAX volume, to adults who dramatically request a straw, to loud vomiting that somehow needs an audience… nothing is safe. We spiral through vocal fry, fake accents, plastic surgery as a personality trait, needing a receipt for a pack of gum, and much more!!

If you’ve ever wondered “was that necessary?” this episode is for you.

No anonymity. No shame. Just attention. Lots of it. 🎤🍎

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Why are some people perfectly fine leaving life messy… while others need a label for every spice, book, and snack?

In this episode, we dive into Type A vs Type B personalities. Shelley is the ultimate Type B—laid-back, go-with-the-flow energy—while Tiffany and Diana are full-on Type A, organizing spice racks, saving food like it’s a national sport, and taking banana bread potential very seriously. Things get weirdly competitive when it comes to who actually follows through with those “save the brown bananas” promises… and who doesn’t.

We laugh, we judge (a little), and we explore the hilarious tension that happens when Type A energy meets Type B chill.

Expect relatable chaos, tiny domestic battles, and plenty of Shit Apple behavior🍎

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We missed you guys—like, a lot—and we’re finally back 🎉 After a great (and slightly chaotic) holiday season, we’re catching up, ringing in the New Year, and hoping yours was just as good. Happy New Year to all of our listeners… we missed you terribly.

In today’s episode, we’re talking all things New Year’s: parties, traditions, how our holidays actually went, our own New Year’s resolutions (take those lightly), and what we think other people’s resolutions should be. Plus, Shelley comes in hot with her opinions on what each of us should change about ourselves in the New Year… whether we asked or not.

Same us. New year. Let’s go. 🍎✨

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Pour the cocoa (or the wine) and cozy up because it’s time for A Very Shit Apple Christmas 🎄🍷

In this holiday episode, we’re talking all things Christmas — from the hottest gifts of the season and the family traditions we swear by, to settling the ultimate debate: what is the best Christmas movie of all time?

We’re also sharing our favorite Christmas songs, holiday opinions no one asked for, and plenty of stories in between to keep you laughing all the way through the season. Whether you’re wrapping gifts, hiding from your relatives, or just need a break from the chaos, this episode is your perfect soundtrack to the holidays.

Press play, get comfy, and spend Christmas with The Shit Apple Podcast 🎧✨

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They say karma takes care of everything… but we’re still refreshing the page. 👀

In this episode, we confess all the pettiest, most dramatic revenge fantasies we’ve ever had — from imaginary chaos in someone’s pristine closet to the wild urge to “accidentally” ruin a perfectly clean car. Do we act on these ideas? Absolutely not. Do we mentally rehearse them in HD? Every single day.

We talk about the long-standing grudges, the people who earned a permanent spot on our mental “no-fly list,” and whether karma actually works… or if she’s just on a very long coffee break. Spoiler: we might threaten revenge, but most of the time we choose healing, growth, and letting the universe handle our enemies.

Mostly.

If you’ve ever smiled sweetly while plotting revenge in your head, this one’s for you.