Some endings arrive slowly. Ours did not.

In this final episode of Season 1, my sisters and I share the most personal part of our story—the goodbye. After years of surviving our mom’s untreated mental illness and addiction, and then finding our way back to her during her recovery, we were finally in a good place. A healthy place. A place where laughter came easy and trust was being rebuilt. And then, in 2017, we lost her.

Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer just two months before she passed, our mom’s final chapter was fast, devastating, and unexpectedly filled with grace. Two weeks after her diagnosis, our beloved Aunt Terry was diagnosed with the same illness. And within ten months, our dad passed away too, leaving us grappling with wave after wave of loss.

This episode is about those final months with our mom. The hospital visits and hospice care. The late-night humor that kept us going when there were no more answers left to find. The tension between wanting to save her and learning, finally, how to just be with her. It’s about what it means to love someone fiercely—even when that love was hard-won and complicated.

And it’s also about the legacy she left behind. About the strength we found in each other, and how grief shaped us into something softer, stronger, and more honest.

All season long, we’ve been pulling back the curtain on what it means to grow up in the shadow of mental illness and addiction—and how, even in the aftermath, healing is possible. This final chapter closes that story for now, but it also opens the door to what comes next.

Thank you for walking with us through the messy middle of our lives. Thank you for holding space for these conversations. And thank you for reminding us that even in the hardest endings, love remains.

Host & Producer: Jenn St John
Editor: Andrew Schiller
Website: www.jennstjohn.ca
Follow along:
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LinkedIn: Jenn St John
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This week on The Shadows We Cast, my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I return for Part 3 of our story — the chapter where things began to change. After years of boundaries, heartbreak, and distance, our mom started to seek real, consistent help. It wasn’t a sudden transformation. It was slow, uneven, and at times, fragile. But it was the beginning of something new.

In this conversation, we talk about the earliest signs of her recovery and what it looked like to slowly let her back in — not just into our lives, but into our trust. We share moments that felt healing, moments that tested us, and how her role as a grandmother became the unlikely bridge back to connection.

There’s grief here — for what never was — but also so much beauty in what we found when we stopped trying to hold everything together and started meeting her where she was. We weren’t trying to fix her — we were simply hoping she’d choose help. And when she finally did, something in all of us shifted, too.

Host & Producer: Jenn St John
Editor: Andrew Schiller
Website: www.jennstjohn.ca
Follow along:
Instagram: @jenn_stjohn
TikTok: @jenn.st.john
LinkedIn: Jenn St John
BlueSky: @jennstjohn.bsky.social

If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.

Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

What if becoming a mother wasn’t just a life event — but a radical transformation of self?

This week on The Shadows We Cast, Jenn sits down with Jessie Harrold — doula, coach, author, and founder of Imaginalia — to explore the complex and rarely named process of matrescence. Like adolescence, matrescence is a profound identity shift that touches every layer of our being: emotional, physical, spiritual, and cultural. And yet… we’re barely talking about it.

Together, they unpack:

· What matrescence actually is — and why we all need language for it

· Why radical change often begins with grief

· How to “mythologize” your story rather than pathologize your pain

· What Jessie calls the “gooey middle” — the messy, necessary in-between of identity transformation

· Why small practices, like Jessie’s “Five Things” check-in, can become lifelines through transition

This episode touches on the thresholds we all cross: motherhood, menopause, grief, healing, and the quiet reckoning of asking, Who am I now? Whether you’re navigating change yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and the reminder: you’re not broken. You’re becoming.

Learn more about Jessie and her work at www.jessieharrold.com, and follow her on Instagram @jessie.es.harrold.

Host & Producer: Jenn St John
Editor: Andrew Schiller
Website: www.jennstjohn.ca
Follow along:
Instagram: @jenn_stjohn
TikTok: @jenn.st.john
LinkedIn: Jenn St John
BlueSky: @jennstjohn.bsky.social

If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.

Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.