If you've been betrayed, you already know that the pain doesn't stay in the past. It follows you into ordinary moments—a song, a smell, a place, a glance at a phone—and suddenly you're flooded all over again. That's not weakness; it’s trauma. It deserves real treatment.

In this episode, I talk with Laurel van der Toorn, trauma therapist and founder of Laurel Therapy Collective, about a modality that has helped many betrayed partners move out of that cycle of activation: EMDR.

Laurel is refreshingly honest about it. She calls it "weird," and she means it. But weird doesn't mean ineffective. EMDR is one of the most empirically validated trauma treatments available, with decades of peer-reviewed research behind it. And for people stuck in the relentless loop of betrayal trauma, it may offer something that talk therapy alone often can't: relief at the neurological level.

In this conversation, we cover:

What trauma actually is and why it's less about what happened and more about how the brain stored it

Why EMDR feels strange but works, and what bilateral stimulation actually does in the brain

The eight phases of EMDR, from history-taking and resourcing all the way through processing and integration

What a typical session looks like, whether in-person or virtual

How targets are identified and why the most activating memory isn't always the most obvious one

Why relational trauma (like betrayal) takes longer to process than a single-incident trauma

How to find a qualified EMDR therapist, and what certifications actually mean

Laurel also addresses common concerns, including whether EMDR is a form of hypnosis (it's not), whether you can do it on your own with an app (you shouldn't), and whether it works for everyone (nothing does, but the results can be remarkable).

If you're past discovery and still not sleeping, still flooded with intrusive thoughts, still wondering if it ever gets better… this episode is for you.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episoded Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/063

Laural’s Website (free EMDR webinar): laureltherapy.net

EMDR website: emdria.org

Our Coach & Therapist, Sharon Barbour, also offers EMDR to clients in California & Indiana.

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Need personal help? Schedule a Session with one of our coaches.

Most people who follow this podcast are betrayed partners, and understandably so. The pain of being cheated on is acute, disorienting, and often traumatic. The Recovery Room is committed to honoring that experience.

But genuine recovery, the kind that produces lasting change and real safety in a relationship, requires more than behavior management from the person who had the affair. It requires something harder with more work “on the inside.” And in this episode, we go there.

Dr. Monique Thompson, a psychotherapist in the Dallas Metroplex with more than a thousand couples in her clinical background, joins Tim to talk about the side of infidelity that rarely gets examined: the inner wounds of the involved partner.

This isn't about generating sympathy for someone who broke trust. It's about understanding what actually needs to happen for change to be real.

In this conversation, Tim and Monique explore:

Why the person who had the affair experiences a genuine fracture of identity, and why that matters for recovery

The problem with treating behavior change as the finish line

How shame keeps the involved partner stuck and why it actually increases the risk of repeated harm

The concept of "seemingly unimportant decisions" and how people drift toward betrayal through a long chain of uncaptured thoughts

Why self-compassion isn't self-excuse; it's the gateway to authentic inner change

A breathing & thought practice that helps regulate the nervous system and access honesty

How EMDR therapy is being used not just for betrayed partners, but for involved partners carrying shame

The difference between trauma-informed self-care (including something as simple as a daily walk) and formal trauma treatment

Where to start if you've had an affair and haven't yet done any real inner work

Dr. Thompson is direct, warm, and grounded in current science, and she brings a genuinely non-judgmental lens to a topic that is easy to oversimplify. Whether you're the person who was betrayed, the one who broke trust, or a couple trying to figure out what real recovery looks like together, this conversation offers something worth sitting with.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episoded Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/062

Dr. Monique Thompson’s Website: doctormoniquethompson.com

Monique’s Book: Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples: Tools and Exercises to Rebuild Your Relationship

The Understanding WHY Course & Coaching: AffairHealing,com/why

One of the most disorienting effects of betrayal is what it does to a woman's sense of self. She may have been strong, capable, even confident—and then the discovery of infidelity strips away the ground she was standing on. She doesn't just lose trust in her partner. She loses trust in herself.

In this conversation, Tim talks with life coach Zerina Dervini about why betrayal hits identity so hard and how women can begin to find their way back. Zerina draws from her own story and her five-phase Self-Discovery Framework to offer a grounded, realistic path through.

In this episode:

The connection between betrayal and self-worth, and why infidelity destabilizes identity at its core.

Why the first and most important shift is moving from Why did this happen to me? to What do I need now?

What Zerina's five-phase framework looks like: Awakening → Unlearning → Exploration → Integration → Living Authentically

Why strong women are sometimes the hardest hit—and what hope looks like on the other side.

How fear can masquerade as intuition, and why the nervous system has to come first.

The role vulnerability plays in healing, and how to approach it without being overwhelmed.

Why "What are your needs?" is one of the hardest questions anyone can answer.

What Zerina would say to the woman who is broken, uncertain, and doesn't know what's next.

LINKS and EXTRAS

Episoded Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/061

Zarina’s Website: zerinalifecoach.com

Affair Healing Resource Finder: AffairHealing.com/find

Suggested Reading: How Could I Have Been So Blind?

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