The Imperfects cover art

The Imperfects

The Imperfects

By: Hugh van Cuylenburg Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
Listen for free

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.2026 Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • Briggs - What Racism Feels Like (feat. Nazeem Hussain)
    Aug 2 2026

    What is racism, really?

    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

    Adam Briggs, rapper, writer, actor, senator and Yorta-Yorta man, joins Hugh, Josh and guest host Nazeem Hussain, to have an honest conversation about racism in Australia.

    We explore the impact of The Voice Referendum vote, how culture and community impacts identity, and why Briggs has never, ever felt the need to people please (yep, that’s the sound of us frantically scribbling down notes).

    Briggs also chats about the highs and lows of bipolar II.

    0:00 – No boundaries Briggs
    5:26 –Big Shep’ Washing Machine
    12:25 – This is racism
    21:27 – A hyper-vigilante
    28:06 – Perfect storm for art
    36:09 – Copping it Australia Wide
    43:22 – The Yes Vote
    53:08 – Australian Culture
    57:02 – Never just about music
    1:04:50 – Make Aboriginal Cool
    1:09:19 – Bipolar, therapy, training

    🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

    • Ben Shewry (Pt 1) - The Other Side of Excellence - https://bit.ly/4fErGpQ
    • Ben Shewry (Pt 2) - How The Chef Was Made - https://bit.ly/45sPsR7
    • Ben Shewry - Making It Right (And Delicious) - https://bit.ly/4gXyDEZ
    • Nazeem Hussain - Losing a Parent - https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-imperfects/id1476501557?i=1000589981824

    🎧Things to listen to

    • Big Noter - https://www.thebignoter.com
    • The Children Came Back by Briggs & Gurrumul - https://bit.ly/4fGaxMH

    📺Things to watch

    • Briggs’s Voice Referendum ad - https://bit.ly/4bkiTs2

    📚Things to read

    • Our Home, Our Heartbeat by Adam Briggs - https://bit.ly/4yQKbjW

    💻Things to check out

    • Rumbalara Football Netball Club - https://www.rfnc.com.au/
    • Bad Apples Music - https://bit.ly/4x8Rdi3

    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - https://www.patreon.com/c/TheImperfects

    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects

    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 21 mins
  • Sex for Normal People with Ita O'Brien
    Jul 26 2026

    Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood.

    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

    In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set.

    And now she’s here.

    Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉

    00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator
    01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education
    04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex)
    07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job
    09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed
    12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves
    14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex
    16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
    18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
    23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships
    25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It)
    30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect
    34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap
    40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy
    43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time
    49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies
    52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers
    54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage

    📖Things to read

    Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043

    📺 Things to watch

    Sex Education (Netflix) - https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526
    Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people
    I May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you
    Catastrophe - https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK
    We Live in Time (Film4/A24) - https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time

    🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

    Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I

    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects

    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 2 mins
  • Our Phone Odyssey Begins
    Jul 19 2026

    Could you live without your phone for a month?

    🩵To hear more episodes like this, join A Little More Imperfects!
    Patreon - www.patreon.com/theimperfects
    Apple - http://apple.co/theimperfects

    This week it's just the three of us. And like Odysseus before us, we embark on a life changing epic.

    Where he fought the trojans, monsters, cannibals, sirens, the oceans, a cyclops and ACTUAL GODS!!

    We will do something even ‘EPIC…ER’.

    We’re tackling our phones.

    Each of us take on a month-long challenge to fix our worst phone habits, inspired by the ‘god of no phones’ - Christopher Nolan and the release of THE ODYSSEY (if that wasn’t obvious already, but we promise this episode isn't an ad).

    We then share some of our favourite bits from behind the pay wall, from our Patreon/Subscriber community. Ryan has an unplanned, very generous on-air hair donation; Josh shares a bit from a book which changed his life a bit; which leads to one of the most honest conversations he and Hugh have ever had on (or off) the show, about comparison, self-esteem, and growing up idolising your older brother.

    This is one epic journey.

    00:00 — The Phone Odyssey Begins
    08:54 — Our Phone-Free Pledges
    19:11 — Modelling Better Habits at Home
    25:29 — Hairing is Caring
    37:57 — A Bit From a Book That Changed Josh’s Life a Bit
    48:18 — The Conversation Between Brothers That Needed to Be Had

    🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

    • Bronte Campbell - Comparison, The thief of joy ****https://bit.ly/49S1S7C
    • Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey Print for Dads https://bit.ly/4w4ohI8
    • How (and why) Ryan Dumped his iPhone https://bit.ly/3T3xdyM
    • Sam Willoughby - The tragic injury that changed his life (and Ryan’s Finnastride admission) https://bit.ly/4fa5u8p

    📖 Things to read

    • The midnight library - Matt Haigh https://bit.ly/4vGgnE0
    • How Proust can change your life - Alain de Botton https://bit.ly/4dYfCkd
    • In search of lost time - Marcel Proust https://bit.ly/4vt3lJG

    📺Things to watch

    • The Odyssey https://bit.ly/4vY8nij
    • Christopher Nolan on 60minutes https://bit.ly/4yjfZgX

    💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/

    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/

    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 13 mins
adbl_web_anon_alc_button_suppression_t1
All stars
Most relevant
absolutely loved this episode.
thank you thank you thank you
such a great view and backed by science.
one more embrace

amazing perspective we all need to take on

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

I got so much out of this 2-part podcast. All the usual good humoured banter and honest vulnerability from Hugh, Josh and Ryan and very useful insights and tools from Ben - so good I had to take notes 🤚Thank you

Ben Crowe is great value 🤚

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

super helpful for understanding myself and the people I'm surrounded by in everyday life situations 🤩 seriously INCREDIBLE!!!

Love it so so much!!!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

Not often you find something so honest and relatable that can have you crying, crying with laughter and pondering your thoughts all in the same minute. I tell everyone about The Imperfects and EVERYONE I’ve told have fallen in love too.

My favourite podcast

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

amazing stuff boys very well done and also very compelling love your work lads

yeeewwww

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

See more reviews
In the spirit of reconciliation, Audible acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.