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The Imperfects

The Imperfects

By: Hugh van Cuylenburg Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
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We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.2026 Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • Dr Emily - Tough Love vs Shame
    Aug 16 2026

    Is tough love to blame for our shame?

    💌Join 9,200+ people getting a Dr Emily values worksheet and takeaways from this week’s episode in our newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

    We all know that parent or coach on the sideline who takes under 10’s basketball a liiitttllleee too seriously. And occasionally, tough love might seem to work in the moment, long term, the shame train isn’t going anywhere good.

    Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is here to name the shame to tame it, and teach us how we can be shame strippers too (get your head out of the gutter. Shame on you).

    We go into the difference between shame, humiliation, guilt and embarrassment, bow down to the queen Brene Brown, and introduce ourselves to our own Healthy Adult.

    Shamelessly, this is one of our best episodes to date.

    0:00 – Ever heard of a shame stripper?
    6:27 – Bow down to Brene Brown
    12:25 – The other self-conscious emotions (they’re shy)
    20:51 – Humour and humiliation
    29:21 – Shame is a full body experience
    36:16 – Beware of who you share (with)
    40:43 – Manosphere + behaviour change
    46:59 – Tough love + kids sport
    57:07 – Working with shame
    1:06:10 – Bring on the compassion!
    1:10:07 – Introducing the Healthy Adult

    If you’d like to watch the full episode on YouTube, follow this link -

    🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

    • Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4qgEqrO
    • Dr Emily - Compassion of The Self - https://bit.ly/4hqWa1k
    • How do you know you’re in a thinking trap? - Maria Ruberto - https://bit.ly/4ze4eJh

    🎧 Things to listen to

    • Between Two Beers with Steven Adams - https://bit.ly/4g3wipS

    📚Things to read

    • Daring Greatly, by Brene Brown - https://bit.ly/45VT2Dx
    • The Compassionate Mind, by Paul Gilbert - https://bit.ly/3UewPOq
    • Movember study of the Manosphere - https://bit.ly/4wZxtOs
    • Proneness to shame vs proneness to guilt research by Tangney et al. - https://bit.ly/4g4lQyl

    📖Things to do

    • The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer - https://bit.ly/4zg353K
    • Othership (breath work app) - https://bit.ly/4g7Q03E

    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    1 hr and 20 mins
  • The Nature of Being Alone
    Aug 9 2026

    Can nature help us to feel less alone?

    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

    Psychologist on the incredible, Alone Australia series (remember our seminal episode with Gina Chick?), Mark Mathieson is in the Academy of Imperfection to help us understand how nature regulates our body, and how we can reconnect to it in this digital age.

    Mark talks about how to uncover the person behind the persona, the science behind gardening, and why Hugh had the best sleep of his life in a tent, with no pillow.

    According to Mark, human are immensely capable of change, and this episode provides a few things we can do to ensure nature is incorporated into our routines, without cramming the schedule more.

    Mark, it was great to be alone . . . with you.

    If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMSSRJg2vQ

    0:00 – Ice breaker: where have we gone wrong?
    6:58 – The segmentation of exercise
    11:46 – Evolution of Mark
    18:53 – Person behind the persona
    24:10 – Our virtual reality future
    27:22 – Let’s learn to adapt
    36:00 – Building relationships with nature
    42:28 – The science of gardening and sunshine
    48:53 – Eventually, reality TV gets us all
    53:08 – Big city blues

    🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

    • Gina Chick - Don’t Fight Life - https://bit.ly/4xj0kga
    • Sean Turnell - A Prisoner’s Guide to Life - https://bit.ly/4btNKCu
    • Sex for Normal People with Ita O’Brien - https://bit.ly/4btNNya
    • Dr Emily - The (pesky) Hedonistic Treadmill - https://bit.ly/4yXxx2B
    • Dr Paul Callaghan - How To Follow The Dreaming Path - https://bit.ly/457l9PY

    📚Things to read

    • Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter - https://bit.ly/4pV10Ga
    • The Dreaming Path, by Dr Paul Callaghan and Uncle Paul Gordon - https://bit.ly/4gctqrZ

    📺 Things to watch

    • Alone Australia (new season out now) - https://bit.ly/4yWVW8n

    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop

    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects

    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

    All views expressed in this podcast are Mark Mathieson’s and not representative of the Department of Defence, Australia.

    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 5 mins
  • Briggs - What Racism Feels Like (feat. Nazeem Hussain)
    Aug 2 2026

    What is racism, really?

    💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

    Adam Briggs, rapper, writer, actor, senator and Yorta-Yorta man, joins Hugh, Josh and guest host Nazeem Hussain, to have an honest conversation about racism in Australia.

    We explore the impact of The Voice Referendum vote, how culture and community impacts identity, and why Briggs has never, ever felt the need to people please (yep, that’s the sound of us frantically scribbling down notes).

    Briggs also chats about the highs and lows of bipolar II.

    0:00 – No boundaries Briggs
    5:26 –Big Shep’ Washing Machine
    12:25 – This is racism
    21:27 – A hyper-vigilante
    28:06 – Perfect storm for art
    36:09 – Copping it Australia Wide
    43:22 – The Yes Vote
    53:08 – Australian Culture
    57:02 – Never just about music
    1:04:50 – Make Aboriginal Cool
    1:09:19 – Bipolar, therapy, training

    🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

    • Ben Shewry (Pt 1) - The Other Side of Excellence - https://bit.ly/4fErGpQ
    • Ben Shewry (Pt 2) - How The Chef Was Made - https://bit.ly/45sPsR7
    • Ben Shewry - Making It Right (And Delicious) - https://bit.ly/4gXyDEZ
    • Nazeem Hussain - Losing a Parent - https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-imperfects/id1476501557?i=1000589981824

    🎧Things to listen to

    • Big Noter - https://www.thebignoter.com
    • The Children Came Back by Briggs & Gurrumul - https://bit.ly/4fGaxMH

    📺Things to watch

    • Briggs’s Voice Referendum ad - https://bit.ly/4bkiTs2

    📚Things to read

    • Our Home, Our Heartbeat by Adam Briggs - https://bit.ly/4yQKbjW

    💻Things to check out

    • Rumbalara Football Netball Club - https://www.rfnc.com.au/
    • Bad Apples Music - https://bit.ly/4x8Rdi3

    🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

    🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW

    🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - https://www.patreon.com/c/TheImperfects

    🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects

    The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 21 mins
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All stars
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absolutely loved this episode.
thank you thank you thank you
such a great view and backed by science.
one more embrace

amazing perspective we all need to take on

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I got so much out of this 2-part podcast. All the usual good humoured banter and honest vulnerability from Hugh, Josh and Ryan and very useful insights and tools from Ben - so good I had to take notes 🤚Thank you

Ben Crowe is great value 🤚

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super helpful for understanding myself and the people I'm surrounded by in everyday life situations 🤩 seriously INCREDIBLE!!!

Love it so so much!!!

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Not often you find something so honest and relatable that can have you crying, crying with laughter and pondering your thoughts all in the same minute. I tell everyone about The Imperfects and EVERYONE I’ve told have fallen in love too.

My favourite podcast

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amazing stuff boys very well done and also very compelling love your work lads

yeeewwww

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