If someone told me that the 1991's Frankie & Johnny was required viewing for police services and psychotherapists alike, all I could reasonably reply with would be, "Say no more, fam"!

Mixed in amidst this movie's snappy quips, world-building, and incredible acting is the story of an absolute lunatic stalking an uncomfortable abuse victim. Seriously, all you have to do is re-jig some of that background music and you could push this October rom-com into slasher movie territory REAL quick.

Watching Al Pacino kissing Michelle Pfeiffer is the exact same experience as watching the facehugger scene from Alien, though somehow even more unsettling. Writhing as Johnny pushes boundary after boundary as he spirals deeper into delusional mania makes you wish it had been Ricky J's "No Means No" that had come on Midnight with Marlon that night instead of Clair de Lune.

Despite all of the above, this is a really entertaining movie to watch. Just fon't get any ideas for your love life...

HOO-AAAH!

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We can’t say the title of this movie without immediately hearing our favorite singing crab, but rest assured 1997’s crime-thriller Kiss the Girls is a very different kettle of fish.

This movie doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It tries to sell itself as a Se7en / Silence of the Lambs–style crime thriller, but inevitably devolves into “insert-generic-underwhelming-90s-action-thriller-here.” Nothing kills suspense faster than realizing the character we spent a third of the runtime developing is inevitably destined to escape certain doom, per the very premise of the film.

Instead, the suspense comes from questions like: “Whose call was it to use those creepy phone voices and bargain-bin gunshot sounds?” Or, “Why is this random non-detective bossing actual cops around in the middle of an active investigation?” And of course: “Exactly how much are this surgeon’s hands insured for, anyway?”

All that to say, this might not be remembered as a crown jewel of the genre, but Judd and Freeman bring electric performances, and the campy spiral this film takes keeps things surprisingly fun. And hey—if you enjoyed this one, maybe we’ll cover the sequel faster than Jeremy Piven hitting on an abduction victim.

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I know we've all heard a few "Urban Legends" about our old pal Jared Leto, if you know what I mean, but for now, let us head back to a simpler time, a spookier time, a slashier time!

The central premise to this film is quite arguably that one girl is an absolutely abhorent driver and should have her license revoked immediately... no seriously, hear us out. This movie acts as the latest vehicle to spoon feed the audience more slop as it tries (fails?) to milk the cash cow that was the slasher-revival movie of the late-nineties (thanks "Scream"!).

Watch as the plot confuses you, the performances annoy you, and as you try to figure out why everyone in this town seems to own the exact same winter parka that they insist on bringing with them everywhere in mid-September.

And by god, if someone can tell us what that pesky Dean and his chums got up to with their free weekends back in the day, please do write in... farm animals? Yeesh!

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