🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint

• Our blind loyalty to sports teams
• How much would it take to sleep with ____? Everyone’s got a number, and half of you are out here giving Groupon prices.
• A teen mistaken for a squirrel — a tragic reminder that natural selection’s still putting in overtime.
• And Home Depot offering trade certifications — noble move, or just a quiet way to replace the workers already standing in the parking lot?

Dark humor, bad takes, and questionable morals — you already know what it is.

🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• A school employee loses it — proof that background checks aren't enough.
• Charlie Kirk’s widow gets dragged online — because the internet never misses a chance to kick someone mid-grief.
• A UFO takes a missile to the face and keeps flying — so, yeah… any day now...
• A judge and a public defender throw hands in court — LFG.
• And Sean gets his flowers.

Dark humor, bad takes, and zero filters — just the way you like it.

🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• The Saudis are buying EA — because nothing says “wholesome gaming” like funding your killstreaks with oil money and human rights violations.
• Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl — finally, a halftime show where half the crowd gets pregnant and the other half gets deported.
• And a Red Lobster waitress snapped and started throwing biscuits at customers — proving carbs aren’t the only thing deadly on the menu.

This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• Bad Bunny’s Amazon stream —less concert, more mass pregnancy event. Nine months from now, maternity wards are gonna look like a merch line.
• Tylenol “causes autism” — which means the Amish either broke the system… or never stood a chance.
• Americans are having less sex — Netflix and Uber Eats are apparently better birth control than anything at CVS.
• Millennial dads are more “present” than ever — maybe too present, cause these kids are SOFT
• A guy managed to knock up a mom and her daughter....
• Someone fired a firework at another person and one of us can relate.
• And a man scuba-dived into a restaurant robbery — Ocean’s Eleven, brought to you by Florida.

🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• The assassination of Charlie Kirk — political violence just went prime-time.
• Football players spitting on each other — because that's the only completion some of them will get this season.
• Canelo vs. Crawford — did this change this era's GOAT?

🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• Cardi B back in court — and the trial sounds wilder than her Instagram Live.
• Druski goes full gringo
• Florida ditches vaccine mandates because, well… Florida is gonna Florida.
• And a zoo casually asking for your pets, but not for what you think it is...

Just click already!

🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• Lil Nas X: at this point, he’s either the gay Antichrist or just the best troll since 50 Cent bought Ja Rule’s front row tickets.
• Cracker Barrel’s logo “controversy” — people are shocked it might actually mean crackers in a barrel. Next up: finding out Hooters isn’t a family restaurant.
• Politicians finally forced to show their votes and their sugar daddies — spoiler: democracy’s basically NASCAR with fewer helmets.

Click to listen now! Mainly because you're not supposed to.

🎙️ This week on The Carbon Footprint:

• A Florida county paying for everyone’s college. Yep, the same state where bath salts and alligator wrestling make the news daily… somehow nailed education better than the feds.
• Tyson Bagent signs with the Bears and reacts like he just won a scratch-off, not a multi-million dollar deal.
• Jake Paul vs. Gervonta Davis — spoiler: one of them can actually box.
• And if your Labor Secretary won’t fudge the stats to make you look good… don’t fix the numbers, just fire the nerd and hire a liar.

All that plus the usual inappropriate jokes your HR department warned you about.