The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee landed on the planet Biff Glickman Is A Twat.” – a planet discovered and inhabited purely out of spite.

“Biff Glickman Is A Twat” was discovered over 1,200 years ago by Harry Schmidlabt. Harry was irritated by Biff Glickman. According to the planet’s one best seller “Why Biff Glickman Is A twat”, it was written: “Biff Glickman is a twat because he slept with my sister, farted in a container of yoghurt, and just generally acted like a colossal twat.”

It is a planet without much planning other than just smearing the mediocre name of Biff Glickman. The local governmental bodies have gone bankrupt, taxes are at 98.2% of all income, vast stench clouds of unbelievable stink surround the planet and gangs of barnyard molesters are roaming the countryside inappropriately touching squirrels.

This means that the people in charge of planet “Biff Glickman Is A Twat” are even bigger twats than Biff Glickman.

And the makers of this episode of The Battery Operated Magic Toupee are even bigger twats than Biff Glickman.

The Battery Operated Magic Toupee landed on Dickofa Barnyard - a planet that would give Old McDonald a stroke and have him drop dead on his farm while whispering his dying words of “Ee- i ee- i fucking-o!”

On a planet where the animals are nasty little shits andtalk, some of the cows on the farm moo, “Hey ya fucking perve, stop squeezing my milky teats! Go squeeze your wife’s titties with those callous, cold hands You fucking filthy farmer!”

The farmer also had insolent chicks on the farm that went,“Cluck-cluck, fuck you… after I crap all over the farm, I’m coming in the house and pebbledash your living room withchickenshit. And keep your grubby hands off my eggs… they come out of MY poop pipe so I’ll eat them!”

And McDonald’s pigs are all gone… they went to the Muslimand Jewish neighbourhoods to taunt the locals,

Which animal is the biggest dick? it’s hard to tell but may believe it to be the dog.

The dogs on planet Dickofa Barnyard have a real attitude andcan be heard barking, “Throw me a bone! Muther-fucker, you want to throw me the bone?! You keep the fucking boneand I'll eat the Goddamn meat that’s on the bone. And… If I want to hump your leg, I'll hump your goddamn leg and I don't care if you have to change your trousers when I'm done! Now I’m going next door and 69 the poodle!”

Warning – keep all animals out of the room while listeningto this latest episode.

After journeying from dimension to dimension and multiverse to multiverse, The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee was getting lonely. He wanted someone or something to share his life with.

Actually, to be perfectly candid, The battery Operated Magic Toupee wanted to get laid hence it landed onPlookit Four: one of the best planets in the multiverse where one can easily log in to a website and immediately be matched up with either the perfect companion to spend one's life or just have a quickie.

After entering its information under sex and gender (“?” and “??”), The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee went through the extensive questionnaire.

It answered the question, “What is your plan for a romantic evening with a date?”

The horny toupee replied, “ I would take my date to the waste pipes, at the lower end of the sewerage pond, where the dead fish accumulate. I would set up a table of crates and my lover and I would enjoy a colourful buffet of raw diseased fish carcasses and extra stinky rodent halibut. And at the end of a romantic evening – we would wash off any unusual barnacles and crustaceans and then go to the doctor and be examined for STDs (Stinky Terrible Diarrhoea).”

As BOMT gets it off with its date – tune into this latest Battery Operated Magic Toupee – the Podcast and try to forget what the Battery Operated Magic Toupee is doing on its date and erase that image from your mind.