I'm skipping ahead a bit here and taking you to 2009. Brokenhearted from my messy break up with Corey, I let myself fall into the arms of the friend of my best friend's boyfriend. Him and I try desperately (and unsuccessfully!) to fit a whole relationship into a few months because surprise! I'm flying to Australia and no one can stop me.

Australia is the furthest I've ever traveled, and I am drowning in homesickness. So much so, I am having visions of the guy I left behind, and am rying myself to sleep while the other backpackers surf paradise around me.

I write about 20K words in the first 48 hours and every single one of them spells 'anxious attachment.' One minute, I am fighting with my friend, the next I am making out with a Dutch guy on the beach, the next I am cooking for everyone in the hostel. Total whirlwind.

Don't worry! I share how to properly make a Vegemite sandwich, chef-stylez. I also get a foot rub from Jamie Oliver's cousin (lol)! I am pounding 'goon,' which is a wine (if you can call it that!) that costs $11 for 4 liters!!

This episode certainly isn't a party, although there is a fair amount of that. I get caught stealing and hate myself so much that I almost decide to go home. Instead, I wander aimlessly up the East Coast and try to find myself.

Join me in Bondi, Sydney, Byron Bay, and Yamba. <3 You might want to take a lorazepam for this one!!!

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

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Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

The long-awaited episode is here!! I finally had the chance to sit down and interview my Dad, Ron, for The Angsty Pod!

"Let's call it a journal, not a diary!" lol Dads... ammiright?!?!

We sat down in my Dad's living room, mic between us, Dad sipping wine, me sipping Gingerale, and we talked for about four hours. We covered all kinds of topics, including the way his mother smelled, eating escargot, staying open to life's opportunities, writing practice, and much more.

In this episode, it's 1979, and my Dad, age 20, is backpacking through Europe. His mother, my grandmother, has recently died and he is living at home with his father, my Gido. It's the first time he's left the country, been on a plane, or rode in a taxi... and he does it all in the first page of this journal. He ultimately wanted to end up in India, to become a yogi and learn more about meditation, or, in his words, "I wanted to live in a cave and become a guru."

But the story takes a turn when he is "bamboozled" in Rome. He loses most of his money and the scam leaves him completely broken hearted. His shame over the incident, 45+ years later, is still profound.

"It was the most beautiful, incredible journey I've ever had in my life; the most adventurous, and I learned SO much... but there were so many other moments of pain and sadness and loneliness."

We end this episode with a conversation about travel, and Dad even agreed to read some poems!

This is one of my favourite episodes, as well as a personal & career highlight for me. I know my Dad will appreciate you for listening, and I do too!!

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

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Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

Join me as I chat with my pal and client, Sarah Hanson! Sarah (she/her) is a poet from Minneapolis, Minnesota. She is a truth teller, trauma survivor, and constant reinventor. Sarah's writing practice is "in bloom" and her first poetry collection will be out April 28th!

In this episode, we talk about poetry, trusting yourself, and the importance of friendship. We exchange hilarious, heartbreaking stories of our youth, and Sarah generously reads several poems from her junior/senior year of high school, which we have given a 10/10 rating on the ANGST and tenderness scale.

"I don't want to throw her away anymore," is now on a post-it on my altar. Thanks for that one, Sarah!

To pre-order Sarah's collection, Conjuring the Hurricane, and for more info, head to www.sarahhansonwrites.com

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

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Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

Content Note: This episode mentions self-harm and suicidal ideation.

In this week's episode, I am falling in love and terrified of saying it out loud. I'm so terrified, I start inflicting physical and spiritual harm to myself and others. There's some tough stuff in this one but it was kindof cool to read back on how in love I truly was.

There are so many elements of this journal that remind me of previous journals - it's a new year and a new guy, but I am still a classic avoidant!

There is a certain violence in this episode that surprised me. Not only amoungst my friend group, but also within myself. I turn 18, tell my boyfriend I love him, and start planning for prom & graduation.

I apparantly feel like I can really relate to Jewel and The O.C. lolololol This episode is packed with details of an 18-year-old who is trying her absolute best and the boy(s) who loves her.

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

Part way through this episode, I decide to split this journal into two episodes because just SO much is happening! It's winter 2005 and I am coked out of my mind. I go on a bender in Quebec City and am slowly falling madly in love with my very kind, albeit slightly troubled boyfriend. There's a love triangle. There's a party bus. There's a formal dance. There's sex and drugs and big time rock and roll... and there the hell are my parents?!?!

I also spend some time reminiscing about my friend Mark who died in late 2018. It felt good to talk about his memory, but also leveled me a bit more than I was expecting it to. <3 If you're thinking about someone you've lost, I just want to send you a little extra love.

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

CONTENT WARNING: This episode mentions suicide. Please take gentle care when listening.

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

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On October 1st, 2005, I got a phone call that would change my life forever. It all started the night my sister and I decided to throw a house party that got way out of control. It ended with my friend in the hospital with a (self-inflicted) gunshot wound to the head.

This was not an easy episode to record or produce, but I'm still here and ready to share pieces of this story with you. Thanks for listening and take good care.

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

This episode starts with me getting kicked out of my house and ends with me rolling around in bed with someone from my past. Oh, by the way, I'm 17.

Things at home are the worst they've ever been, but my parents are almost completely absent from this one. I'm left to my own devices and surprise, surprise, chaos ensues.

Join me as I reminisce about my first "grown-up" date where we sit on his bed and watch South Park. I'll introduce you to a few new friends and walk you through the bender I went on when my new best friend's parents leave us alone for a week. I also share a traumatic event where a lot of my friends were assaulted in the park and I had to run for my life... so take it easy with this one!

This episode is ripe with my own reflections. I feel trapped between two worlds and am distraught and confused after my breakup with Grnt. It's a heavy one, and it's about to get so much worse.

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Up next, I'll be sharing about a big trauma in my life. I wanted to share an interview from a few years back, where I talk more about the incident I'll be diving into next episode, in case you want to prepare yourselves! Here's my conversation with Najwa Zebian: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2cb6MmppWc5GdI0wMhbo0p?si=PogwDKddR_-pmxh8KfNT5w&nd=1&dlsi=8ad2e8248edf4684

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

Content notes: This episode mentions suicidal ideation multiple times. Take good care!!

--

After a lil break, I'm back with another episode and this one SHOOK me. I turn 17 and get completely black out drunk and basically decide to RUIN my life. I am bursting at the seams with jealousy and when my anger causes a big friendship rupture, I turn to... you guessed it... cocaine! to soothe my heart.

The toxicity level in my relationship is rising but in this episode, I actually focus on my relationship (then and now!) with my parents and do a little deep dive on how everything is feeling on that front.

Please take good care with this one. <3

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support