Content Note: This episode mentions self-harm and suicidal ideation.

In this week's episode, I am falling in love and terrified of saying it out loud. I'm so terrified, I start inflicting physical and spiritual harm to myself and others. There's some tough stuff in this one but it was kindof cool to read back on how in love I truly was.

There are so many elements of this journal that remind me of previous journals - it's a new year and a new guy, but I am still a classic avoidant!

There is a certain violence in this episode that surprised me. Not only amoungst my friend group, but also within myself. I turn 18, tell my boyfriend I love him, and start planning for prom & graduation.

I apparantly feel like I can really relate to Jewel and The O.C. lolololol This episode is packed with details of an 18-year-old who is trying her absolute best and the boy(s) who loves her.

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

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Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

Part way through this episode, I decide to split this journal into two episodes because just SO much is happening! It's winter 2005 and I am coked out of my mind. I go on a bender in Quebec City and am slowly falling madly in love with my very kind, albeit slightly troubled boyfriend. There's a love triangle. There's a party bus. There's a formal dance. There's sex and drugs and big time rock and roll... and there the hell are my parents?!?!

I also spend some time reminiscing about my friend Mark who died in late 2018. It felt good to talk about his memory, but also leveled me a bit more than I was expecting it to. <3 If you're thinking about someone you've lost, I just want to send you a little extra love.

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

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Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

CONTENT WARNING: This episode mentions suicide. Please take gentle care when listening.

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

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On October 1st, 2005, I got a phone call that would change my life forever. It all started the night my sister and I decided to throw a house party that got way out of control. It ended with my friend in the hospital with a (self-inflicted) gunshot wound to the head.

This was not an easy episode to record or produce, but I'm still here and ready to share pieces of this story with you. Thanks for listening and take good care.

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

This episode starts with me getting kicked out of my house and ends with me rolling around in bed with someone from my past. Oh, by the way, I'm 17.

Things at home are the worst they've ever been, but my parents are almost completely absent from this one. I'm left to my own devices and surprise, surprise, chaos ensues.

Join me as I reminisce about my first "grown-up" date where we sit on his bed and watch South Park. I'll introduce you to a few new friends and walk you through the bender I went on when my new best friend's parents leave us alone for a week. I also share a traumatic event where a lot of my friends were assaulted in the park and I had to run for my life... so take it easy with this one!

This episode is ripe with my own reflections. I feel trapped between two worlds and am distraught and confused after my breakup with Grnt. It's a heavy one, and it's about to get so much worse.

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Up next, I'll be sharing about a big trauma in my life. I wanted to share an interview from a few years back, where I talk more about the incident I'll be diving into next episode, in case you want to prepare yourselves! Here's my conversation with Najwa Zebian: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2cb6MmppWc5GdI0wMhbo0p?si=PogwDKddR_-pmxh8KfNT5w&nd=1&dlsi=8ad2e8248edf4684

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

Content notes: This episode mentions suicidal ideation multiple times. Take good care!!

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After a lil break, I'm back with another episode and this one SHOOK me. I turn 17 and get completely black out drunk and basically decide to RUIN my life. I am bursting at the seams with jealousy and when my anger causes a big friendship rupture, I turn to... you guessed it... cocaine! to soothe my heart.

The toxicity level in my relationship is rising but in this episode, I actually focus on my relationship (then and now!) with my parents and do a little deep dive on how everything is feeling on that front.

Please take good care with this one. <3

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books here <3

------------

Kid's Help Phone: You can reach a professional counsellor at Kids Help Phone in English or French 24/7 by calling 1-800-668-6868

9-8-8: Call or text from anywhere in Canada or the U.S., anytime

CMHA: Call Reach Out at 1-866-933-2023 to receive mental health and/or addictions support

In this episode, I share my first experience using hard drugs and what it was like to have my boyfriend call me a "dirty dirty e-head" in front of all my friends. I am self-conscious about my clothes, worried that what I wear will start a fight. I am drinking everything in sight and things at home are getting really, really bad. I can't concentrate at school, but for the first time, I wonder about my future - Will I be a professional chef? Or a writer? (Spoiler alert: I did both.)

This episode is a bit of a mess, but I think these stories are too important not too share. <3

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books!

I'm taking a pause from my regular scheduled programming to bring you a special episode about the life and death of my dog, Gnowee.

In this episode, I share tons of memories from the day I adopted Gnowee right up until her death. I share a little bit about what she taught me and how I've been handling the grief of her passing.

Gnowee died on May 5th, 2025 and will forever be remembered as the sweetest, calmest, coolest, silliest dog in my heart. This episode is not for the faint of heart <3

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books!

It's summer 2004 and I am learning everything I can about how to be a anxious/avoidant-attached-codependent... and I'm ACING IT. I miss my friends terribly and start telling my diary about my fantasies of being on my own and then SPOILER ALERT: my boyfriend reads my diary!

This episode has ALL the drama, betrayal, love, friendship, and loneliness. I'm accused of cheating and I'm comforted all in the same page. It's a doozy, I tell ya!!!

For more info on my work as a writing coach or to sign up for workshops, head to www.doulaofwords.com

To sign up to be a guest, please email Yoda at yoda@thedoulaofwords.com - we'd love to have you!

Find my books!