The #1 reason your kid doesn’t listen isn’t defiance or attitude—it’s brain state. This episode reveals why listening shuts down during dysregulation and how calming the nervous system restores connection, guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, founder of Regulation First Parenting™ and expert in childhood emotional dysregulation.

When parents understand the reason your kid doesn’t listen, everything shifts. This episode breaks down how nervous system dysregulation—not attitude—impacts how kids listen, especially during transitions, and shows parents how calming the brain first restores connection and cooperation.

Why does my child ignore me when I know they understand?

This is such a big deal for many parents. Your child may be perfectly capable of understanding your words—and still not process them because their child's actual developmental reality doesn’t always match what we’re expecting in that moment.

Listening isn’t a skill; it’s a brain state. When kids are dysregulated, the brain deprioritizes language, which can deeply strain the parent child relationship if we don’t understand what’s really happening.

It’s not “they won’t,” it’s “they can’t—right now.” That’s why my work is about helping teach parents to stop personalizing behavior and start responding to the nervous system instead.

Behavior is communication, and a child who ignores you is often overwhelmed or under-stimulated—which is why regulation always comes before cooperation. This is where practical tips rooted in brain science make all the difference.

Takeaways:

1. Dysregulation shuts down auditory processing
2. Overstimulated brains feel noisy and reactive
3. Understimulated brains feel flat and checked out

Real life Scenario: A parent asks a child to wear shoes, stop playing, grab their school bag—nothing. The child isn’t defiant. Their nervous system is louder than your voice.

Is my child being disrespectful or oppositional?

Many parents worry about oppositional defiant disorder or long-term disrespect. But compliance connotes coercion, and real listening comes from connection—not control, especially when we understand how children emotionally experience stress and authority.

When children feel emotionally safe, their willingness to cooperate rises, and children follow rules more naturally. That’s how civil society operates—through regulation and relationships that children facilitate autonomy, not fear.

What helps:

1. Stop assuming attitude
2. Avoid yelling (voice carrying escalates stress)
3. Offer gentle guidance instead of pathetic commands carried by frustration

It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain.

Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.

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