This topic has been in my mind for soooo long. It feels like a big part of my life I just wanted to have self-esteem. So I could look cool and finally get all the validation I wanted.

It seemed like the holy grail. Although some people have it naturally and some people will never have it. You know this cool guy who is just comfortable in any situation has the cool phrases and funny comments. But when he wants also the depth. The control over what the group does. He just knows, feels great about himself, and doesn’t even need the approval of others. I was not one of those obviously.

But this is what it looked like from the outside when I was younger.

Damn it. For me, it just felt something unattainable. But this perspective shifted when I learned a bit more about psychology.

What I didn’t realize was that it was completely on me. What does that mean? I have control over how I think about myself. Self-esteem, in my eyes (my personal view!), is that it depends on the way you tell the story about yourself. If you take apart the word self-esteem into SELF and ESTEEM you can easily identify that is the Value/Opinion (esteem) that you attribute to yourself (self). 🤯

That means that I, as a storytelling animal, have a story in my head that tells me very strongly that I have or don’t have this self-worth/esteem.

Because the more and more I was observing people (not in a creepy way) I saw guys just like me being a lot more confident than I was without any obvious reasons… So that made me think. What’s the difference between me and another guy that has self-esteem. Maybe a better way to describe it now is a guy who believes he has self-esteem. It’s just a state of being, an aura, or an energy around him.

Well, and you guessed it. It’s the belief, that story about yourself.

To go a bit deeper. Now it’s more like a feeling, a feeling like any other. One that comes and goes. Sometimes I feel happy, sad, frustrated, lonely, angry, and sometimes I feel I have more self-esteem and sometimes less. But my story around self-esteem changed. So I feel better and better about myself. Day by day.

This is my current view. What’s the story you are telling about yourself?

Let me know!

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