People often ask whether someone is the right person for them. But we don't spend nearly enough time asking whether that person has the capacity to meet us where we are.

In this episode, we explore why understanding another person's relationship with themselves tells us more about the relationship that's possible than what they say they want. We look at how to recognize emotional capacity, why people can't meet us in places they can't meet themselves, and why accepting where someone actually is can be one of the kindest things we do, for them and for ourselves.

We explore:

• Why the depth of a relationship is shaped by each person's relationship with themselves.
• What it means to assess someone's capacity instead of judging them.
• How to recognize when someone can, or can't, meet you where you are.
• Why emotional intimacy begins with intimacy with yourself.
• The difference between accepting where someone is and trying to change them.
• Why forcing people beyond their capacity creates suffering for both people.
• How self-awareness helps us communicate honestly about what we can and cannot give.
• Why understanding another person's capacity helps us build healthier relationships.
• How compassion and discernment can exist at the same time.

Episode Thoughts to Sit With

"We need to understand where other people are so we can understand what type of dynamic we can have with them, so that we're not beating our own heads up against the wall. So we're not trying to create something that's not creatable."

"It's important to know where you are with that because it is also unkind for somebody else to be looking for depth from you. And if you can't give it, it's unkind for you to act like you can... We have to have the self-awareness to assess where we are, assess what our capabilities are, and be honest."

"It is unkind of us to expect someone to be able to meet us in a place where they can't meet themselves."

"Sometimes in relationships, no one is to blame. People are just where they are."

"It's kinder to say, 'I see where you are. This is where I am. These places just don't align at this time in our lives.' I respect that, and I hope you can respect that too."

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Thank you for listening to The Reality Between Us.