What really makes sex good? In this intimate, honest conversation, Zoë and Andrew open up about sex, presence, fantasy, and the myths that can keep us disconnected from authentic desire. They unpack why presence (not performance) defines great sex, how societal and cultural conditioning shape our sexuality, and why real intimacy thrives when we strip away self-imposed constraints. Along the way, they also explore how everyday care and affection build the foundation for a satisfying sex life in long-term relationships. Tune in for a candid, thought-provoking exploration that might just shift the way you think about sex and inspire you to have some powerful conversations of your own!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Why presence is at the heart of great sex.

• The mental noise that kills sexual connection.

• How fantasy can deepen intimacy or distract from it.

• Ways that societal norms can distort our sexual expression.

• Six influences that shape our sexuality.

• Why sex education fails us (and what’s missing).

• The unseen impact of everyday affection.

• Cultivating a climate of love and appreciation in long-term relationships.

• Self-expression versus self-suppression in intimacy.

• Insight into the paradox of personal evolution in relationships.

• The power of choosing openness and curiosity over defensiveness.

• Meeting your partner’s needs through giving, receiving, and mutual care.

Quotes:

“We're in this pleasure machinery that's driven by and symbiotic with our imaginations. Wouldn't the healthy thing be to explore that?” — Zoë Kors [0:10:47]

“[Societal norms] are obstacles that are being piled up between two people who are trying to become more intimate and more present.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:11:41]

“What makes sex good in a long-term committed partnership is the constant cultivation of a climate in which both partners feel loved, appreciated, seen, [and] desired. ” — Zoë Kors [0:22:49]

“Relationship is the boot camp of self-realization.” — Zoë Kors [0:28:34]

“Strive to be better. Strive for constant and never-ending improvement.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:31:08]

“Sometimes, receiving is giving to the other person.” — Andrew Rothmund [0:42:00]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

S1E8: Rewrite Your Sex Script with Dr. Ian Kerner

The Intimacy Lab: Zoë Kors Substack

Zoë Kors

Andrew Rothmund

Radical Intimacy

The Radical Intimacy Podcast