Holidays are supposed to bring us closer… but if I’m honest, for a lot of couples, they do the opposite. They quietly surface tension, resentment, and those unspoken power dynamics no one wants to name.

Have you ever paused mid-holiday chaos and thought, wait… whose holiday is this really? Whose traditions are being centered? Whose are politely tolerated? And what happens when the family traditions we grew up with no longer fit who we’ve become, especially after kids?

That question is what led me to record this episode of The Parenthood and Relationship Podcast.

In it, I talk about family traditions after kids and why they can suddenly become such a sensitive issue in relationships. Using psychology, family systems work, and real stories from couples I work with, I invite you to rethink holidays not as sacred rules you have to follow, but as living rituals you get to shape together.

We talk about holiday traditions conflict, cultural invisibility, and those unexamined “this is how it’s always done” norms that carry a lot more weight than we realize. We also look at mental load during the holidays, and why some traditions feel grounding and comforting, while others quietly leave one partner feeling unseen or pressured.

You’ll hear how couples navigate interfaith relationships, intercultural differences, and intergenerational expectations, and how shifting from obligation to intention can genuinely reduce stress and strengthen connection, not just during the holidays, but in the relationship overall.

This isn’t about creating a perfect multicultural celebration or doing more. It’s about designing family rituals that feel like home for everyone in the family.

In this episode, we explore:

1. Why inherited holiday traditions can create tension after parenthood
2. How cultural dominance and invisibility affect couple relationships
3. The psychology of family rituals, bonding, and stress regulation
4. How co-creating traditions supports belonging, identity, and couple connection

If you’re juggling different family backgrounds, feeling pressure to “make everyone happy,” or noticing resentment creep in every holiday season, this episode offers insight and practical, grounded steps, without guilt, perfectionism, or performing the holidays “right.”

Think of it as a gentle reset. One that asks:

What would it look like if our holidays actually reflected who we are now?

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Markella Kaplani, M.A. Clinical-Counseling Psychologist Parenthood & Relationship Coach www.markellakaplani.com