It took the Scoops Troop and entire week to get to the bottom of this elevator shaft. Steve pees on the wall and it's gross.

Erica thinks she's going to drink some green sludge like she thinks it will make her a ninja turtle instead of just killing her.

Hopper almost blows Joyce up for speaking to any male in the world. And this Russian scientist is the second one in a week. Joyce you slut...

Joyce's new bf Alexi finds a 7/11 where he finds out about slurpees and it's the cutest thing. Hopper steals a car from the Todd Father which, eww and tells him that the adorable man in the back seat is a child murderer.

Underground in the elevator they finally find a way out but find themselves in the tunnels that are just about as long as the conclusions Hopper has been jumping to about Joyce.

Nancy wakes up Jonathon and only he would reference Oliver Twist before 6am...

In Mike's basement El is talking about Bad screams and Lucas questions what a good scream is and Max stops her from answering which is hilarious.

Nancy and Jonathon join the kids and they compare notes and go investigate more.

Steve finally wins a fight and they see the new gate

Hopper and Joyce and Alexi go to be around yet another man and I hope Hopper's head doesn't explode like his bronco did.

The rest of the cast is led to the hospital where they are again separated and El is extending grace to Mike who surprisingly doesn't mess it up.

He LEARNED and LISTENED and reacted in a non problematic way... maybe he should teach Hopper some things...

Jonathon has also learned that Nancy and every other female on this show is always right and why do they keep having to prove that?

They get to stab their ex bosses and it probably is pretty satisfying until they melt into a flesh jello mold that joins together in one big gross flesh monster and credits...

We start with the sweetest scene of Max explaining Wonder Woman to Eleven and it's a win for feminism...

Mrs Driscoll wants to go to the rat farm really really badly but little does she know they no longer farm rats there, they are harvesting souls mwahaha and are getting nothing from Tom because he never had one...

Hopper is NAKED and Joyce is embarrassed and probably tired after lugging him home from getting beaten like a Harrington but she tells him that his attacker was driving a motorcycle and he's seen a motorcycle helmet exactly once in his life apparently and he knows where he saw it... coming out of Trum-- I mean the mayor's office because the mayor has been colluding with russians because this plot line is so dated to that particular time in our lives and Larry is really Donald but does anyone really get or remember that reference years later?

Anyway Larry pulls an Angela from season 4 and says A**hole things about Hopper's dead daughter and gets what he deserves for it...

Scoops troop is still doing a better job at defending the country than Hawkins lab or the real gov. but they hit a couple snags because for one, Steve can't win a fight with a human to save his life or anyone else's and for two a capitalist gets involved and dude you could have found any other child but people think this one is cute and funny for some reason thatI can't figure out because to me she's as annoying as all the other pro capitalist patriotic people I've known...

Mike and Lucas contact the girls post sleepover and they are ANNOYED but then it's a code red so it's fine... Will asks if they know what roller coasters feel like and they are all like of course, except for El who is like "does everyone forget that I was kidnapped and held captive for my entire childhood or what?" so they spy on Billy because El was right about him being wrong but not his regular wrong, a new wrong... and two wrongs do make El right... they plan to trap him in the sauna because he is not as hot as he thinks he is, not yet...

Nancy has gotten herself and Jonathon fired and she's like "I'm a woman" and he's like "well I'm poor" and they are like we should fight with each other and not the rich white a**hole men who are oppressing both of us and in that way they are the most American people in this episode...

The scoops troop does make it into the secret room of boxes and then they find out it's an elevator that goes all the way down to the standards of any girl who would go out with Billy...

Mike corners El and tries to mansplain his way out of trouble for lying and she's like "Hopper is right because Max taught me feminism with a comic book and I make my own rules, excuse me because i have to prepare to beat Billy/the mind flayer up like he's a Harrington"

And she does, she does and it is bada**

We start off at a slumber party in a cabin in the woods where El uses her psychic abilities to spy on people and she gets scared of a fart and a possible murder. This is not the babysitters club people, this slumber party is almost as weird as the ones in Jessica Jones (inside joke with myself)

Hopper comes home drunk and stood up but he's happy his daughter is making out with Max instead of Mike now because she's just way cooler than him. (kidding, well not about Max being cooler because she is, but the rest of it)

Steve, Dustin and Robin are doing a better job of defending the country than anyone has since the 1960s by spying on a jazzercize class and hopping up on tables in the mall and yes they are still doing a better job of catching Russian spies than Brenner and the actual government irl

Joyce tells Hopper she was in the same room as another man for important reasons and his man brain can't handle that because he's suddenly an annoying jealous bf, even though he's not her bf at all... chill out Hopper, I know you are better than this. But he promises to take her on a date at the place were all her troubles came from and where her last bf died which is a great idea...

Mike and Lucas are simping over their exes who are way too busy tracking down a missing lifeguard and having a good time to care about stupid boys but when Will wants the boys to stop caring about "stupid girls" Mike does an accidental homophobia and then feels bad... dude you should have just played D&D because you trying to do things in the real world just pisses everyone you care about off badly... you are not good at real life...

Nancy tries really hard to get men in suits in the 1980s to stop being misogynist A-holes and take her seriously and girl... this runs in the family because you are fighting a losing battle, move on because you are better than them anyway, but she's relentless and her and jonathon find Mrs. Driscoll eating fertilizer in her basement and it is disgusting.

Hopper get's his ass kicked at the lab like he's Steve Harrington or something...

El and Max track down a red door and find Billy pretending to be a normal person and not being very good at it

He stares El down because he is also the mindflayer and several other names that we won't find out about until season 4...

Heather thwops her dad, Tom (nancy's boss) upside the head with a wine bottle and it's mildly satisfying except for the fact that she's only doing it because she's been 'flayed' by Billy/the mindflayer... and Nancy didn't even get to see Tom get owned by his own daughter, what a shame

Named after my favorite Kevin Smith film. I guess that makes Eleven- Silent Bob and Max-Jay?

Just like Mallrats, we don't start at the mall, we start at the rat farm where Billy is running away seemingly unharmed, because of racist white male privilege probably.

Mike lies to Eleven because as we find out, just because "friends don't lie" it doesn't mean boyfriends don't, boyfriends lie- ALL.THE.TIME.

Hopper is a little too happy about El's sadness but that's okay because he will have a date with Karma later at Enzo's.

He celebrates with Joyce and almost slips on a MAGNET

and Joyce fixates on those for this entire season starting now

Billy smashes Karen's head in but not really, and then a lifeguard named Heather says "take me to him" but also not really... and this man LITERALLY can not stand the heat of facing the reality of women around him and like most men deals with that logically by kidnapping heather, I wonder if this is even the first time he's done this.

We find out that he has been recruited into being the foot soldier of a genocidal maniac but to be honest if he'd have lived in 1940 or today the same thing would have happened to him anyway.

Max takes El to the mall where she shops and explodes orange julius all over that bitch Stacey (Karma at the mall for rejecting Dustin)

Max is teaching El to be herself and to be a strong independent woman and it is literally the best day of El's life even after she dumps Mike's lying ass

Mike I know it's the 80's but shopping at the mall with just $3.50 is completely ridiculous

Hopper has to stop people protesting Don- I mean the mayor because of the mall and Hopper begrudgingly arrests them and sends them off with Calvin because he's gotta get ready for dinner (it's not a date) riiight, that's why you had flo go get you a brand new magnum PI shirt.

But Joyce has to leave work to go to the middle school science teacher's house because MAGNETS

And Hopper is left at Enzo's all alone because Joyce stood him up because MAGNETS

Dustin and the rest of the scoops troop are busy all episode decoding a russian message and Steve figures out the call is coming from inside the mall because of a song from a horse... Stranger things indeed, yall get your clues about as strangely as Spencer Hastings when she got a phone number from a bird...

Nancy and Jonathon are being the journalist photographer duo and honestly, why would their lives or careers ever drive them apart, they literally have coinciding jobs, their dream life is literally the same one, another rat pops and it's disgusting and all the other rats slime shows up at the end to save heather from Billy I presume because what the freak man? Is this a hobby? Where did you learn to tie up girls and take them to abandoned buildings because this does NOT look like your first rodeo, let's hope the rat blob saves her in time :)

FINALLY, I return to give everyone what no one asked for...

my opinions... tee hee

Had a hard and busy year, mostly bad stuff but some good, I love my new husband!! (so far ;) )

Now back to Stranger Things

We start in Russia, where right off the bat several people are fried by white rose's machine... oops wrong show... anyway the terminator kills a scientist and they say comrade a million times... later in Hawkins,

El and Mike make out even though they are THIRTEEN and Hopper is being "strict" by allowing this as long as the door is open three inches. It does make him turn into a tomato though.

There is a mall in town now where Steve Harrington is yelling "AHOY!" at teenage girls and sneaking kids through the back halls so they can watch horror movies as if their lives aren't enough of that already.

Will touches his neck for the first of a thousand times. The electric goes out and the mall is the center of all evil. Except the rat farm at the edge of town is also the center of all evil.

The next day Nancy sneaks out of Johnathon's bed and Joyce thinks it's adorable and we all think she is adorable for finding it adorable.

Dustin is back from Camp Nowhere or whatever it's called and can't believe no one cares that he's home and they can't believe he has a girlfriend.

Hopper gets Joyce's help drafting a heart-to-heart with El and Mike and tries to date her but she's got plans to pair the two grossest things to eat at the same time ever.

Karen is trying seduce a teenager and he's cool with it but no one else should be.

Again Will grabs his neck and looks terrified like he just saw his own haircut, or maybe he's worried that he'll never play D&D again and this will be about the only thing he does for the entire season

Dustin builds a radio tower and tries to contact his "perfect" girlfriend and Lucas says "no girl is that perfect"

But Max is perfect OBVIOUSLY!! And Suzie is not real OBVIOUSLY and only one of those things are for sure the truth

Hopper tries to talk to the most annoying couple ever but the annoying half of that couple makes him mad so he threatens to kill Mike's Nana before taking Mike out to the Bronco and threatens to kill him instead lol

Karen sees her husband asleep and he's not so bad when he isn't talking so she decides not to sleep with a guy her daughters age after all

Billy is more than ready for the date though as he talks to himself in his car, something wrecks him right beside the rat farm and he gets out to yell at the car for it.

Then suddenly karma grabs Billy by the ankles and drags him to the basement of the barn where rats are grown and exploded like so much popcorn. :P

Carla Gugino? Ted Wheeler? Cole Sprouse? Mary Shelley? A PINK house? How could I NOT cover this on the podcast?

Okay Cole Sprouse could have the best chemistry with a lamp... thankfully in this movie we have Kathryn Newton who I haven't seen before this movie but I LOVE her... this cast is top notch...

this movie is so FUN and colorful and a pink house with a teal door... it's like it was made for me specifically because literally that's what colors my house is too...

"yea... yea... she's a bitch" possibly best line

I laughed a lot but I also cried... I don't care what critics say about this movie... also I want a Victorian man as a bf (mainly Charles Dickens) this movie is so cute, the romance is sweet and real and adorable, Cole is adorable... I love this mix of Edward Scissorhands meets Heathers meets all the best color schemes and fashions... it's all the things I love and this movie is not for the filmbros it's for the tumblr girlies so if you're not down for that... what is wrong with you? lol

what started out to be a podcast about Lisa Frankenstein turned into a rant about Riverdale, I promise I'll get to Lisa Frankenstein next episode