In this raw and relatable episode, we dive deep into the exhausting world of people pleasing—a pattern we both know intimately. From childhood conditioning to workplace dynamics, we unpack how constantly prioritizing others' needs leads to burnout, resentment, and lost identity. Through personal stories about family gatherings, work boundaries, and romantic relationships, we share our journey toward saying "no," setting boundaries, and reclaiming their energy. This conversation is equal parts vulnerable confession and practical roadmap for anyone ready to stop dimming their light for others.

Episode Highlights:

[00:04] Welcome and introduction: firsthand experience with people pleasing

[00:39] The first step: realizing you weren't even aware you were a people pleaser

[01:36] ChatGPT's definition and why it hits so hard

[02:05] Cultural roots: Asian household hierarchies and the expectation to never say no

[03:02] Childhood conditioning: apologizing for mistakes and carrying guilt

[03:42] Shannon's EMDR journey: reprocessing the deep need to please

[04:40] The EA trap: when your job requires people pleasing by design

[06:09] Gender expectations: the "nice one" who sacrifices for everyone

[07:33] Fear-based patterns: managing others' emotions and staying in bad relationships

[08:56] The physical toll: burnout, anxiety, and losing yourself

[09:32] When unmet needs become body issues: acid reflux and stomach problems

[11:05] The validation exchange: getting tiny thank-yous in return for exhaustion

[12:04] Energy scattered everywhere except within yourself

[12:54] The game-changer: learning the word "boundary"

[13:48] The terror of saying no and catastrophic thinking

[15:37] Practicing boundaries during the holidays (perfect timing!)

[16:00] Shannon's autopilot relationships and the coworker carpool situation

[18:57] Real-life boundary example: declining a family dinner without guilt

[21:51] Avoiding conflict vs. having necessary uncomfortable conversations

[22:35] Book recommendation: Boundary Boss by Terri Cole (with scripts!)

[24:08] Family dinner boundary story: "I'll let you know" as a buffer

[26:27] Patriarchal expectations and the male gaze

[27:00] The Vogue article: "It's embarrassing to have a boyfriend"

[28:20] Self-worth and settling for less than you deserve

[29:14] Wrapping up: share your stories and join the conversation

Resources:

Terri Cole:

• The Terri Cole Show on Apple Podcasts
• Boundary Boss by Terri Cole (Instagram)

Vogue Article:

• Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? - Vogue
• What the Response to "Are Boyfriends Embarrassing?" Says About the Current State of Heterosexual Dating - Vogue

Note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

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In this grounding and reflective episode, we explore the many forms of clutter that accumulate in our lives, from physical belongings to digital noise to emotional baggage. Fresh off Lili's recent move to a new apartment in Colorado, we discuss how the process of letting go creates space for new energy, clarity, and intentional living.

We share personal stories about decluttering our homes, setting boundaries with technology and news consumption, and learning to discern what truly serves them. Whether it's Marie Kondo-ing your closet or taking a digital detox, this episode is a gentle reminder that clearing clutter, in all its forms, is an act of self-care and spiritual hygiene.

[01:34] How clutter shows up everywhere: physical space, mental space, and emotional baggage
[03:25] Why we accumulate so much junk, and why it's hard to let go
[06:18] Shannon donates furniture to help furnish an apartment for an unhoused trans woman in San Francisco
[09:05] Digital clutter: social media, news, emails, and information overload
[12:38] Lili's morning routine: dedicating the first hour to herself without checking her phone
[15:15] How TikTok's algorithm can trigger unexpected emotional reactions
[18:19] Setting boundaries around news consumption and reactive behaviors
[21:00] Lili's role as a healer: becoming a positive source of energy in a chaotic world
[23:28] Practical tips: reading, playing music, hobbies, walks, and time with friends instead of doom scrolling
[26:02] Starting small with physical decluttering: closets, kitchens, and the Marie Kondo method
[27:32] Shannon's first date inspiration: seeing an immaculate space sparked her decluttering journey

Note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Where to find us:
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In this episode, you’ll discover what it’s like to try therapy, EMDR, somatic practices, and the Akashic Records—plus practical ways to begin your own healing journey.

External Highlights

• [00:04] Updates from the hosts: new healing explorations and life changes
• [00:32] The value of talk therapy and learning your own processing style
• 01:13] Prioritizing physical health: bloodwork, working with a dietitian, and strength training
• 02:31] How simply “showing up” can break through mental blocks
• [03:24] EMDR: how it helps rewire old patterns and connect trauma to the body
• [05:41] Letting go of responsibility for others’ emotions and healing from people-pleasing
• [09:05] The challenge—and importance—of learning to stay present in your body
• [10:24] Why even healers need healing: ongoing therapy and somatic practices
• [11:19] The Akashic Records as a deeper layer of spiritual and emotional healing
• [22:16] How processing and speaking about shame and anxiety leads to real transformation

You’re Not Alone — And You’re Invited

You’re not expected to have all the answers. Trying new healing modalities is about curiosity and self-care, not perfection. Trust that the right tools will appear when you’re ready. Stay open, stay curious, and know support is available.

Share your experience! We invite you to connect and share your own healing journey. Your story could help someone else feel less alone.

Note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

Where to find us:
Website
Instagram
TikTok
YouTube