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Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks

By: Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
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About this listen

 Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!2024 Hygiene & Healthy Living
Episodes
  • E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)

    E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)
    Nov 20 2025
    What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone? In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way of connection. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The surprising ways phone use impacts intimacy (and resentment) What couples told us about their biggest “phone fights” Our rules for a 7-day tech detox (and how to adapt if you have kids) What happened when we actually followed them How to create healthier phone boundaries — without starting a fight If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling mid-conversation or noticed your partner reaching for their phone after sex, this one’s for you. Because here’s the truth: your relationship with your phone might be hurting your relationship with each other way more than you think. Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    56 mins
  • E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)

    E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)
    Nov 13 2025
    This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers! You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit nuts. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The difference between boundaries and control especially when it comes to what your partner wears. Why couples fight about tiny habits (like dishes or unpacking) and what those arguments really mean. How to handle when one partner wants more privacy and the other wants full transparency. What your “clean-up style” says about how you handle responsibility in bed and in life. The psychology behind “small stuff” fights and how to stop them from snowballing. Plus, the ultimate showdown on period sex, post-oral kissing, and who should drive. 😏 If you and your partner love to debate, this one’s for you — equal parts funny, spicy, and “oh my god, that’s us.” Go deeper Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys 💞Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com 👏Thanks Chewy. Send your pet’s wish to and it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means Chewy will donate 5 meals to pets in need. ➡︎https://Chewy.com/ChewyClaus 👏Thanks HungryRoot. For a limited time, use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. ➡︎http://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order ➡︎http://curehydration.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 2 mins
  • E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)

    E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)
    Nov 6 2025
    Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life. We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why the “F*** First Rule” might be the simplest way to rekindle connection. What the Bristle Reaction really means and how to retrain your body to want touch again. How to figure out your desire type (and why that might finally solve your mismatched libido issue). The sneaky reason your sex life might feel “meh” and how to make it worth craving again. Honorable mentions like the First Pancake Rule, scheduling sex, and other hot takes we might just turn into full episodes soon. 👀 If you’ve ever thought, “Where do I even start?” when it comes to improving your sex life… start here. Go deeper 💞 Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper. 👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Intro 04:05 F*ck First Rule 18:42 Bristle Reaction 26:03 We make out every night 32:42 Two Types of Desire 40:15 Emotional Physical Conundrum 50:00 Mushy Broccoli Problem ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off.And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎https://blissy.com/pillowpod 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://oneskin.co/HAIR Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    58 mins
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