We’re not foodies — we’re hungry. There’s a difference. In this week’s episode, we break up with fine dining, softly and with carbs. Keep your foie gras, your edible flowers, your pretentious little pea foam. We want rice. We want ketchup chips. We want serotonin in a regular quantity.

Also: why “I’m a foodie” is the new “I studied abroad once,” Hilary’s ongoing beef with overpriced tasting menus, and a gentle reminder that not everything needs to be deconstructed and served in a shot glass.

Plus:

• ayahuasca retreat… are we paying to throw up with friends or is it a life changing experience?

• A nationwide quest for a Canadian-only liquor that was probably smuggled by moose because King Don and the tariffed penguins have made it impossible for us to have nice things.

• Simone’s increasingly unhinged Malibu lifestyle (yes, it is made in Windsor)

• Hilary’s delusions of grandeur and pop stardom (she thinks she’s the main character in Glee — Season 1, not even the good chaos seasons and we just don’t have the heart to tell her….)

• A full-body cringe at SkinnyTok and its desperate rebrand of Tumblr-era malnourishment with a claw clip and a Stanley cup like we wouldn’t notice

• Hilary’s rise on vendetta TikTok, where the pettiness is served in vast quantities

• And remembering the exit of every U.S. TikToker’s 3-hour exodus from the app, complete with soft piano, trauma oversharing, and "you probably won’t see me again… unless I post tomorrow."

Mood: Starving, spiteful, and just trying to find a liquor store that stocks emotional closure.

SEO Tags We’ll Deny Writing:

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