Talking with boys — especially tween & teenage boys — can be tricky.

Shrugs, grunts, and silence often stand in the way of the conversations parents want to have. Add in timing issues, big emotions, and the pull of devices, and it’s easy to feel like communication is impossible.

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But it’s not. Boys want connection — even if they don’t show it. With the right approach, parents can create moments where boys are more likely to listen and share. Paying attention to timing (before bed may be better than after school), providing snacks, and watching for signs of openness can help you find the best opportunities.

It also helps to balance the “transactional” talk — reminders about chores, schoolwork, or sports gear — with “relational” conversations that build trust. And when boys withdraw or respond with irritation, remember that there’s often sadness, worry, or shame behind the mask. Responding with patience, and repairing after conflict, models the lifelong communication skills our kids need most.

Takeaways:

• Timing matters — choose moments when he’s most receptive
• Snacks can open the door to conversation
• Balance management talk with genuine connection
• Don’t take grunts or shutdowns personally — look for what’s behind them
• Repair after conflict builds stronger bonds and teaches lifelong skills

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Talk With Boys Like a Pro (About Anything & Everything!) – Register here

Talking to Tween & Teen Boys — ON BOYS episode

Rosalind Wiseman on How to Talk with Boys — ON BOYS episode

Talk to Boys– A Conversation with Christopher Pepper & Joanna Schroeder – Building Boys Substack Live

Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores?

You’re not alone — and there is a way forward.

In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even when it feels completely buried.

We’ll help you understand the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and why both matter. You’ll hear real-world examples from our own lives and families, plus honest talk about what doesn’t work. (Spoiler: there’s no magic phrase that makes a boy suddenly say, “Sure, I’d love to do my homework!”).

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• Inner motivation is the key to lasting engagement.
• External rewards (ice cream, screen time, earrings!) can work in the short term — even for adults.
• Understanding your son’s developmental stage helps you support him more effectively.
• Motivation-building strategies will look different for each child — even within the same family.
• Parents can boost motivation by aligning with boys’ goals and interests.

his episode is part of our lead-up to the Boost Boys’ Motivation interactive class:

3 live sessions in May 2025 with real-time Q&A, strategies, support & community.

Register now at boysalive.com/boost

Use coupon code ONBOYS to save $50 (just $99 for all three sessions!)

If you’ve ever wanted to jump into the conversation with us — this is your chance.

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Empowering Boys & Dyslexic Learners — ON BOYS episode

How Your Anxiety is Sabotaging Your Son’s Motivation — ON BOYS episode

Boost Boys’ Motivation — ON BOYS episode

You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear.

We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care.

So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future.

In this episode of ON BOYS, we talk about one of the most overlooked (but most powerful!) factors in boosting boys’ motivation: your mindset.

This episode is the second in our special three-part series on Boys & Motivation. (Find part one here.) We’re diving into the pressure parents feel, the unspoken fear that drives us, and how those feelings affect the way we interact with our sons. Plus, we share why community is key and how coming together with other parents can help you show up more effectively for your boy.

Photo by Kindel Media via Pexels

Takeaways:

• Parents’ fear & anxiety can get in the way of helping boys develop motivation
• Boys change constantly — avoid future-tripping!
• There are concrete, supportive ways parents can help build a motivating environment
• Releasing the pressure (internal and external) makes space for progress

Want more support? Join us for Boost Boys’ Motivation: How to Ignite His Spark (Without Nagging or Yelling) — a 3-session live series starting May 6, 2025.

Use code ONBOYS to save $50 → boysalive.com/boost

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:

Overcoming Fears & Worries to Say YES — ON BOYS episode

Parent from Love, Not Fear (w Bryan Post) — ON BOYS episode