In this episode, I sit down with relationship and anxiety therapist Valerie Rubin for an illuminating conversation about why so many of us with anxious attachment feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. We dig into the early wounds and nervous system imprints that shape our adult attraction patterns, how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy, and what it really takes to break the cycle of choosing inconsistency over security. Valerie brings both clinical depth and grounded warmth to this discussion, offering practical tools and compassionate insight for anyone ready to rewrite their relational blueprint and move toward partners who can truly show up.

We dive deep on:

• Why We’re Drawn to Emotional Unavailability: unpacking how childhood wounds, early attachment patterns, and nervous system wiring make inconsistency feel like chemistry.
• Breaking Attraction Cycles: exploring how familiar emotional chaos can hijack your sense of safety and how to interrupt the urge to chase partners who can’t truly show up.
• The Roots of Anxious Attachment: understanding the pre-verbal imprints that shape self-worth, relational expectations, and what your body reads as “secure.”
• Self-Abandonment and Emotional Needs: identifying the subtle ways anxious attachers silence themselves, shrink their needs, or over-function to maintain connection.
• Rewriting Your Internal Blueprint: learning how self-trust, emotional honesty, and nervous system regulation help you choose stability over unpredictability.
• Co-Regulation as a Path to Healing: exploring how safe people, therapists, and grounded partners can help your system recalibrate and experience true emotional availability.
• Feeling Safe in Your Own Body: using somatic awareness and regulation tools to differentiate between real red flags and the discomfort of healthy intimacy.
• Normalizing Uncertainty in Early Dating: recognizing that doubt, activation, and hypervigilance are common for anxious attachers — and learning how to navigate them skillfully.
• Embracing Secure Connection: replacing old attraction patterns with partners who offer consistency, emotional presence, and genuine availability.

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

To connect with Valerie Rubin, follow her @healwithval on Instagram. Be sure to listen to our previous episode on Valerie's Anxiety Recovery podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2tcOwfBj1RqJwQdun0A3ya?si=2bD3tBrvQkK_DWBX4SjdEw%E2%81%A0

And check out her masterclass, How to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners:
stan.store/healwithval/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-ora8z2gu

Keywords: anxious attachment, emotional unavailability, relationship healing, self-worth, communication skills, nervous system, vulnerability, co-regulation, emotional safety, inner child healing

In honor of the release of her new book Safe, I sit down with licensed therapist and author of Anxiously Attached, Jessica Baum, for a powerful conversation about what it truly means to heal anxious attachment. We explore how safety shapes every aspect of our relationships, how old abandonment wounds resurface in adulthood, and why somatic awareness and co-regulation are at the heart of real transformation. Jessica brings both clinical expertise and deep compassion to this discussion, offering grounded insights and practical tools for anyone ready to move from anxious to secure attachment.

In the episode, we dive deep on:

• What It Really Takes to Heal Anxious Attachment: why understanding your style isn’t enough without cultivating felt safety and nervous system regulation.

• Safety as the Foundation of Secure Relationships: exploring how safety fluctuates moment to moment and how to recognize when you’re in protection vs. connection.

• Healing Abandonment Wounds: unpacking the deep emotional imprints of abandonment and how they influence adult intimacy.

• The Power of Co-Regulation: how safe, attuned relationships act as emotional anchors that retrain your nervous system.

• Somatic Awareness and Emotional Processing: integrating body-based practices to recognize, release, and move through emotional triggers.

• Compassion as a Healing Catalyst: learning to soften self-judgment and extend understanding toward both yourself and others.

• Evolving Toward Secure Attachment: embracing healing as a lifelong, relational journey that thrives on emotional diversification and consistent support.

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

To connect with Jessica Baum, follow her @jessicabaumlmhc on Instagram and get the freebies Jessica mentions in the episode at https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview

Get your copy of Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships at https://amzn.to/4npO7RJ

Keywords: anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, healing, relationships, safety, co-regulation, abandonment wounds, somatics, compassion, emotional support, inner child

If setting boundaries makes you anxious, guilty, or afraid they’ll walk away—you’re exactly who this episode was made for.

In this powerful solo episode, I unpack the complicated relationship anxious attachers have with boundaries—and why setting them can feel so triggering. We explore the real reasons guilt shows up, the role of nervous system dysregulation, and why some boundaries feel more like walls (and what to do about it).

You’ll learn:

• The difference between a boundary and a request—and why it matters
• Why boundaries don’t have to be dramatic or confrontational
• How nervous system regulation plays a role in boundary success
• Common myths that keep anxious attachers stuck in self-abandonment
• Scripts and mindset shifts for setting (and keeping) boundaries without guilt
• Why boundaries with yourself are just as important

Plus, I share some of my favorite quotes about boundary-setting and walk you through how to identify where in your life a boundary might be overdue. Boundaries aren’t about control. They’re about connection—starting with the one you have with yourself.

Healing resources for anyone struggling with anxious attachment:

• Read dozens of free blogs on how to heal the anxious attachment style on my website, crackliffe.com
• Grab a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment, at crackliffe.com/needy
• Explore my downloadable healing toolkit for anxious attachers at crackliffe.com/starterkit
• Learn more about the Needy No More coaching program and set up a free consultation at crackliffe.com/coaching
• Follow @crackliffe on Instagram and TikTok for tons more content on all things healing anxious attachment

Keywords: anxious attachment, boundaries, requests, guilt, nervous system, self-care, emotional well-being, communication, personal growth, relationship advice