Licensed marriage and family therapist Kristin Snowden discusses carried shame and the danger of absorbing a betraying partner’s shame-filled life. She offers hope and tools for resiliency so that a betrayed partner can move through their own healing and get their lives and self-worth back again. She and Tami then answer participant questions about shame, addiction, and healing.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:30] Understanding the terms associated with trauma healing, addiction recovery, and carried shame.

[4:37] The importance of knowing your own shame stories.

[5:20] Defining carried shame in a betrayed partner.

[9:36] Every human being experiences shame and guilt.

[14:27] Why do we experience shame?

[18:04] The role of shame in the addiction cycle.

[20:30] The 4 basic shame-filled stories that addicts operate out of.

[26:35] How does carried shame occur?

[38:48] How does carried shame manifest in the betrayed partner?

[39:35] How can carried shame be healed?

[46:19] D-Day was yesterday. What’s next?

[48:03] How can I prepare for disclosure as a betrayed partner?

[51:43] How can my wife live with an addict like me?

[57:35] Why is my partner so incredibly defensive and derogatory toward me?

[1:00:00] How can I accept the fact that I may be in a carried shame relationship?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “As part of your healing journey, it’s necessary that you really get to know what your shame stories are.”

• “Shame has good intentions, but it only drenches you with a painful experience.”

• “Shame is a powerful, contagious emotion.”

• “Shame lives in the non-language part of your brain. The more you talk about it, the more you can recognize distorted thinking around it.”

• “Shame does not get sorted out in an isolated way.”