Marriages work (or don’t work) in a number of different ways. Some couples enjoy frequent sex; others have less sexual activity, or none at all. Whatever they choose is right for them, as long as both partners are in agreement about the level of intimacy they give and receive.

Problems arise when one partner wants more (or less) sexual intimacy than does the other. This can often manifest in thefeeling of being roommates rather than a couple. The partner who wishes for more intimacy can experience disconnection, rejection, and dissatisfaction, while the partner wanting less may be experiencing shame, discomfort, and pressure.

The key to solving the “roommate” problem is communication. Both partners need to be clear and honest about their needs—and about why those needs are important. A willingness to be vulnerable and not rely on assumptions is critical.

Sexual desire can wane for a number of different reasons: aging, childbirth, weight gain, life events, a lack of novelty, and more. Long-term sexual satisfaction often requires both emotional attunement and intentional efforts to keep engaged.

Different couples have different ways of viewing sexual intimacy, which can be affected by their ages, genders, agreed upon relationship models, and more. As long as there is open communication and regular self-reflection, then a healthy relationship connection is possible.