In today’s session you will meet Karen who has three kids, 10 year old Kate, 8 year old Vivian, and 5 year old Owen and asks Leslie the question of how to get her kids off technology. . Answering that question, means assessing what’s going on and then tailoring the strategies to each individual child. This session also focuses on helping parents feel comfortable with their own authority while maintaining mutual respect with your child.and how not to personalize your child’s big emotions.

Time Stamps

4:10 The unstructured nature of summer and its challenges

5:00 The dialectic perspective of the strong-willed children

8:15 Reasons how you diminish your authority as a parent

• Wait till the father steps in
• Feeling like your children push your buttons
• Giving children too many choices
• Mom doesn’t mean what she says

12:45 Create individual strategies for dealing with technology for your individual kids

14:35 Don’t give into the “fairness game”

• Validate and move on rather than dismiss and move on

16:35 Family meeting where everyone has a chance to be heard

17:25 Teaching children to manage “Technology Time”

18:25 Fair is not the same as equal

18:45 The definition of a “bad” parent -When parents personalize their child’s anger

21:19 Change your perspective and your interpretations

• My son is having strong emotions
• My son is getting to know his anger
• My son is feeling disappointment

24:47 Parents can unintentionally reinforce a child’s emotional reactivity

25:55 Cope Ahead Skill - Help a child learn what they can do differently next time instead of shaming them

28:35 How to establish personal power and agency for your children that is effective

30:21 Working on developing mutual respect

33:18 Observe and describe your child’s behavior nonjudgmentally

34:33 Explaining fairness, equanimity and sameness with a metaphor

38:05 Create structure in the day to help children manage technology time

41:44 Understanding what it means to be comfortable with authority

Leslie-ism: Say what you mean and mean what you say

Resources:

Horton Hatches An Egg by Dr Seuss read aloud on video

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.