I have intense internal pressure to do things even when I know it will cost me physically. Inspired by a conversation with my psychiatrist, I used an emotion color wheel to slow down and name what’s underneath that pressure. The emotions, like fear, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and even grief over who I used to be, play a huge role in my daily decisions. It helps to identify those emotions and separate what I feel from reality.

The worst thing that can happen is nothing. The things that matter the most to me, no one else can see. There are no disasters or collapse of society when Rachel crawls into bed to rest. I need to listen to my body instead of the urgency and pressure in my mind. I’m still learning the honest way to live within my limits, care for myself without guilt, and realize that protecting my wellness is the part that no one else can see but me.

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