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Boundaries With a Narcissist : Why Explaining Yourself Makes It Worse (And What to Say Instead).wav

Boundaries With a Narcissist : Why Explaining Yourself Makes It Worse (And What to Say Instead).wav

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 If you’re trying to set boundaries with a narcissist and it keeps turning into an argument, you’re not doing it wrong — you’re just dealing with someone who treats your boundary like a debate. In this episode, I’m breaking down why explaining yourself often makes things worse with toxic people, how over-explaining becomes emotional ammunition, and what to say instead so your boundary is short, clear, and unshakable. You’ll learn how to stop trying to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you — and start protecting your peace in a way that actually works. Your Next Step in Healing If you’re ready to stop over-explaining, hold the line without guilt, and build boundaries that actually stick, coaching is where we do this together in real life — with real scripts, real support, and real nervous system safety. ✨ 3-Month Coaching Container Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ ✨ 6-Month Coaching Container Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ ✨ 12-Month Coaching Container Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your identity, raise your standards, and create a life that finally feels like yours. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources ✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free): https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 ✨ Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ ✨ Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ ✨ Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Contact fiercemamac@gmail.com Coming Up Next More tools for high-conflict communication, protecting your peace, and staying grounded when toxic people push back. TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Where did I go? I can't see myself. All right, there we go. Hello people, Queens, hope you are doing very well and we're getting into the new year now. It's kind of a crazy place out here in the United States. I'll put a pin on that one and we'll talk about the narcissists of the world. All right, we're going to talk about boundaries today. All right. So if you keep trying to explain your boundary in the perfect way, hoping they'll finally get it, this episode is your wake up call because with a narcissist, more explanation doesn't create more understanding. It actually creates more ammunition. So today I will break down why explaining yourself actually backfires and exactly what to say instead. (00:54) Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. All right. So welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie Jade. And today we're going to talk about one of the biggest traps women fall into when they're trying to set boundaries with a narcissist. Explaining, overexplaining, clarifying, defending, and oh, the favorite justifying. So basically giving the full TED Talk to someone who already ... He's decided, she or he has decided to misunderstand you. So why explaining yourself actually makes it work? Worse. So what most women believe, if I can just say it the right way, they'll respect it. But with a narcissist, boundaries are not treated like information. They're almost treated like a challenge. So when you explain, they don't hear, "Oh, she's communicating. (02:09) How lovely." No. They hear, "Oh, good. Time for a negotiation," and they love a good negotiation, don't they? Or even worse, they may think, "Oh, good. A list of the exact emotional buttons to push for this specific individual." You're kind of giving yourself away. So the difference between healthy people and narcissists with a healthy person, an explanation leads to understanding. Clarity leads to connection. A boundary leads to adjusting things in the relationship, right? But with a narcissist, the explanation leads to a debate. Have you had that one happen? Yeah, me too. Clarity leads to them finding loopholes and a boundary leads to punishment. They don't like boundaries, right? So they are going to do what a narcissist loves to do, which is punish anybody who goes against what they want 100%, which when you set a boundary, that's you saying, "I'm not going to just throw myself at everything you tell me to do your way or the highway," and they don't like that. (03:28) So if you've been feeling like, no matter what I say, it turns into a fight, you're not failing, right? It's not you. You're just using healthy communication to what? An unsafe person. (03:43) So you are trying to do it the right way. Setting healthy boundaries with a healthy person ...
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