A few years ago, I did something that most people would probably say is a terrible idea: I invited one of my online trolls onto a Zoom video chat.

You may have heard a version of this story in one of my TEDx talks, but on this episode of The Real Stuff, I’m telling the full, unfiltered version (including ACTUAL audio from the call itself). I went back and listened to the 44-minute recording of our call and what I noticed five years later honestly surprised me.

This woman had been leaving aggressive, deeply personal comments on my page about my body, my work, and my life. Instead of blocking her, I messaged her. And instead of escalating, she agreed to talk. What happened next was complicated.

In this episode, I walk you through:

• What it actually feels like to confront someone who publicly criticizes you
• The psychology behind online hate (and what I learned about jealousy and comparison)
• The moment she broke down and told me what was really going on in her life
• Why I don’t believe most trolls are actually “evil”
• How this experience changed the way I handle negativity on the internet
• And why, five years later, I feel protective over the younger version of myself who took that call

I also share how my perspective has evolved — from feeling afraid of being disliked to realizing it’s not my job to make everyone like me.

This is a story about boundaries, compassion, ego, jealousy, and the strange difference between how people behave online versus face-to-face. And yes… I do even include some actual audio from the Zoom call.

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Watch this episode in video form on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX

To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story.

I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone.

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