Episodes

  • Making Sense of the Mess: How Psychoeducation Changes the Game

    Making Sense of the Mess: How Psychoeducation Changes the Game
    Oct 19 2025
    If your inner critic won’t shut up about how “broken” you are, this episode is your cease-and-desist. We’re reframing “What’s wrong with me?” into the much more accurate “What happened to me?” — and unpacking how your nervous system’s survival code got written in the first place. We’ll explore the psychology of the moral defense (why kids blame themselves to preserve unsafe attachments), how the four trauma responses — fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — are actually ingenious strategies, and why your anxiety or people-pleasing aren’t moral failures, they’re adaptive blueprints. Learn how to use a simple cognitive reframe to turn shame into context — and start seeing your symptoms as the receipts of survival, not the evidence of damage.

    This week's worksheet can be found here.

    Sources Referenced:

    Armstrong, Amanda, MA. Healing Through the Vagus Nerve: Improve Your Body’s Response to Anxiety, Depression, Stress, and Trauma Through Nervous System Regulation. Fair Winds Press, 2024.

    Dana, Deb, LCSW. Anchored. Vermilion, 2024.

    Durvasula, Ramani, PhD. It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People. Random House, 2024.

    Ferguson, Anna, CCTAP. The Vagus Nerve Reset. Random House Australia, 2023.

    Gibson, Lindsay C., PsyD. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 2015.

    Kain, Kathy L., and Stephen J. Terrell. Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma--An Integrative Somatic Approach. North Atlantic Books, 2018.

    Porges, Stephen W., PhD. Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. National Geographic Books,

    2021.Salar, Megan, LCSW. The EMDR Workbook for Trauma and PTSD: Skills to Manage Triggers, Move Beyond Traumatic Memories, and Take Back Your Life. 2023.

    Walker, Pete, MA. Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.

    Zimmerman, Annie. Your Pocket Therapist. Dey Street Books, 2024.

    Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.

    Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here

    Join the Hot Mess Club.

    It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
    • One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.
    • Ad-free listening for every episode. Jump straight into the good stuff and enjoy the show with no interruptions.
    • First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”
    Support the show. Get more tools. Pretend you joined a very niche club - because you did.
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    17 mins
  • Self-Loathing as Survival Strategy: How Toxic Shame Hijacked Your Brain

    Self-Loathing as Survival Strategy: How Toxic Shame Hijacked Your Brain
    Oct 12 2025
    If you’ve ever wondered why it feels easier to hate yourself than to have needs, this one’s for you. We’re talking toxic shame, the tragic logic of self-rejection, and the inner critic who just wants you to “do better” by disappearing. This is where compassion meets neuroscience - and maybe, finally, where you start treating yourself like someone worth surviving for.

    This Week's Worksheet

    Sources Referenced:

    Brach, Tara. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. Bantam, 2004.

    Brown, Brené, PhD. The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition: Features a New Foreword and Brand-new Tools. Simon and Schuster, 2022.

    Dana, Deb, LCSW. Anchored. Vermilion, 2024.

    Durvasula, Ramani, PhD. It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People. Random House, 2024.

    Emerson, David, and Elizabeth Hopper PhD. Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body. North Atlantic Books, 2012.

    Ferguson, Anna, CCTAP. The Vagus Nerve Reset. Random House Australia, 2023.

    Gibson, Lindsay C., PsyD. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 2015.

    Gilbert, Paul, and Choden. Mindful Compassion: How the Science of Compassion Can Help You Understand Your Emotions, Live in the Present, and Connect Deeply with Others. New Harbinger Publications, 2014.

    Heller, Laurence, PhD, and Aline LaPierre PsyD. Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship. North Atlantic Books, 2012.

    Levine, Peter A., PhD. Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past: A Practical Guide for Understanding and Working with Traumatic Memory. North Atlantic Books, 2015.

    Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Harper Collins, 2011.

    Porges, Stephen W., PhD. Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. National Geographic Books, 2021.

    Porges, Stephen W., PhD, and Seth Porges. Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us. W. W. Norton and Company, 2023.

    Rosenberg, Stanley, PhD. Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve. North Atlantic Books, 2017.

    Walker, Pete, MA. Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.

    Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.

    Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here

    Join the Hot Mess Club.

    It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
    • One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.
    • Ad-free listening for every episode. Jump straight into the good stuff and enjoy the show with no interruptions.
    • First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”
    Support the show. Get more tools. Pretend you joined a very niche club - because you did.
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    14 mins
  • Freakouts and Shutdowns: Why Your Nervous System Isn't the Enemy

    Freakouts and Shutdowns: Why Your Nervous System Isn't the Enemy
    Oct 5 2025
    Freakouts and Shutdowns: Why Your Nervous System Isn't the Enemy

    We're focusing on somatic skills this week with a primer on mapping your autonomic nervous system.

    So here’s the deal: your nervous system isn’t out to ruin your life - it’s just doing its one job: keeping you alive. Every panic spiral, every shut-down, every overreaction? Not a moral failure. Just survival strategies that worked… until they didn’t. In this episode, we break down Polyvagal Theory as a way to map what’s really happening under the hood. Think of it like your body’s color-coded operating system:
    • Green Zone (ventral vagal): safety, connection, or, “I can text back without hyperventilating.”
    • Yellow Zone (sympathetic): fight/flight, aka "Is this email notification side-eyeing me?!"
    • Red Zone (dorsal vagal): shut-down, freeze, that “I can't even...” vibe.
    We’ll talk about neuroception - your body’s unconscious radar scanning for danger - and how to track it through three streams of awareness: inside (your body), outside (your environment), and between (your relationships). The goal here isn’t to delete your defensive responses (that would actually be bad). It’s to learn compassionate self-regulation, improve vagal tone, and give yourself more flexibility - so the same system that used to lock you in survival mode can also unlock play, intimacy, and actually enjoying being alive.

    Sources Referenced:

    Armstrong, Amanda. Healing Through the Vagus Nerve: Improve Your Body’s Response to Anxiety, Depression, Stress, and Trauma Through Nervous System Regulation. Fair Winds Press, 2024.

    Dana, Deb. Anchored. Vermilion, 2024.

    Ferguson, Anna. The Vagus Nerve Reset. Random House Australia, 2023.

    Maté, Gabor, MD. The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture. Random House, 2025.

    Porges, Stephen W., PhD. Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. National Geographic Books, 2021.

    Porges, Stephen W., and Seth Porges. Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us. W. W. Norton and Company, 2023.

    Walker, Pete, MA. Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.

    Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.

    Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here

    Join the Hot Mess Club.

    It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
    • One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.
    • Ad-free listening for every episode. Jump straight into the good stuff and enjoy the show with no interruptions.
    • First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”
    Support the show. Get more tools. Pretend you joined a very niche club - because you did.
    Show More Show Less
    18 mins
  • Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex Trauma

    Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex Trauma
    Sep 28 2025
    Why Do I Feel Like A Mess?: Exploring and Re-Framing Complex TraumaWhy do you wake up feeling like a disaster, even before coffee? Spoiler: it’s not just because it’s Monday.This episode digs into the basics of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) - the trauma that doesn’t come from one giant, cinematic event, but from a thousand smaller ones stacked over time. We’re talking about growing up in chaos, emotional neglect, chronic unpredictability, relational wounds - the stuff that rewires your system before you even knew what wiring was.Drawing on the work of experts like Pete Walker and Bruce Perry, we’ll look at why that background noise of danger leaves you with cycles of stuck behavior, constant survival mode, and that vague sense of “something’s wrong.” (It’s trauma. That’s what’s wrong. Congratulations, you’ve solved the riddle.)We’re not minimizing single-incident trauma like combat, assault, or disasters - they’re very real and deserve their own focus.Today’s spotlight is on the quieter, chronic version that so often hides in plain sight and shows up as struggles that you might be mistaking for character flaws. By the end, you’ll have a new lens for understanding why “feeling like a mess” isn’t a personal failing. It’s a nervous system doing its best with bad material.Sources Referenced:Armstrong, Amanda, MA. Healing Through the Vagus Nerve: Improve Your Body’s Response to Anxiety, Depression, Stress, and Trauma Through Nervous System Regulation. Fair Winds Press, 2024.Campbell, Sherrie, PhD. Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve. New Harbinger Publications, 2024.Clear, James. Atomic Habits: The life-changing million-copy #1 bestseller. Random House, 2018.Dana, Deb, LCSW. Anchored. Vermilion, 2024.Durvasula, Ramani, PhD. It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People. Random House, 2024.Emerson, David, and Elizabeth Hopper PhD. Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body. North Atlantic Books, 2012.Frank, Britt, LCSW. Align Your Mind: Tame Your Inner Critic and Make Peace with Your Shadow Using the Power of Parts Work. Penguin Group, 2025.Germer, Christopher, PhD. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions. Guilford Press, 2009.Gibson, Lindsay C., PsyD. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications, 2015.Gutiérrez, Natalie Y., LMFT. The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color. New Harbinger Publications, 2022.Porges, Stephen W., PhD, and Seth Porges. Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us. W. W. Norton and Company, 2023.Rosenberg, Stanley, PhD. Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve. North Atlantic Books, 2017.Van Der Kolk, Bessel, MD. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin, 2014.Walker, Pete, MA. Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2013.Winfrey, Oprah, and Bruce Perry MD, PhD. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Pan Macmillan, 2021.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.Transcripts and free worksheets can be found hereJoin the Hot Mess Club.It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.Ad-free listening for every episode. Jump straight into the good stuff and enjoy the show with no interruptions. First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”Support the show. Get more tools. Pretend you joined a very niche club - because you did.
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    19 mins
  • New to the Show? Start Here!

    New to the Show? Start Here!
    Sep 27 2025
    How to Get the Most Out of This Podcast

    In this short explainer episode we'll go over what we cover on the show, how the content is presented and why. TL;DR: If you want to just jump into the episodes that interest you, you'll find useful information, but the best way to use this podcast is to listen to the episodes in order.

    We've organized the show into four core areas that are crucial for complex trauma recovery:

    Pillar 1: Somatic Work – Building your Regulated Base
    Developing the foundation of physiological safety you need to tackle everything else.

    Pillar 2: Self-Relational Work – Making Friends with the Inner Chaos
    Working with shame and the inner critic to build a better relationship with yourself.

    Pillar 3: Cognitive Processing – Making Meaning Out of the Mess
    A combination of psychoeducation and narrative re-framing that sets the stage for processing your past.

    Pillar 4: Relational Skills – Rejoining the Human Race (Gently)
    Learning how to fill in your relational skill gaps and trust others - and yourself - in relationships.

    Each month, we present an episode from each pillar, one every week - because the healing process is non-linear - so you get skills you can use across all areas. We also build on previous episodes each month - because the process of recovery also needs to be progressive - delivering "walk before you run" skills and concepts.


    Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.

    Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here

    Join the Hot Mess Club.

    It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
    • One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.
    • First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”
    Support the show. Get more tools. Pretend you joined a very niche club - because you did.
    Show More Show Less
    6 mins
  • Welcome to the Trauma Afterparty!

    Welcome to the Trauma Afterparty!
    Sep 27 2025
    What is I Guess We're Just We're Like This Now all about?

    In this episode, we answer that question, as well as explaining who the show is for, our approach to trauma education for survivors, and what type of topics you can expect to hear on the show.

    New episodes of i Guess We're Just Like This Now are releasing every Sunday. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show.

    Music: Duvet Dreams by Hi Phade

    Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-guess-we-re-just-like-this-now--6748146/support.

    Transcripts and free worksheets can be found here

    Join the Hot Mess Club.

    It’s our supporter community, and your ticket to the deluxe trauma buffet. Members get:
    • One long-form deep dive episode every month (40–60 min) that unpacks the science, digs into integrated recovery strategies with both bottom-up and top-down guided exercises, and comes with worksheets big enough to make your therapist jealous.
    • Ad-free listening for every episode. Jump straight into the good stuff and enjoy the show with no interruptions.
    • First dibs on secret and future perks: voting on episode topics, exclusive Q&A episodes, ad-free listening, discounts on future courses, and merch that says, “yes, I’m healing, but sarcastically.”
    Support the show. Get more tools. Pretend you joined a very niche club - because you did.
    Show More Show Less
    3 mins