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How To Have Sex

How To Have Sex

By: Jay-Jay Feeney & Melissa Vranjes
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About this listen

A podcast getting you in the right position for sexual success.


Hosted by:

Jay-Jay Feeney - 30+ years in radio, trusted voice for Kiwi women.

Melissa Vranjes - Certified Sex & Relationship Coach, featured in VOGUE & GRAZIA


Together, we combine humour and expert knowledge to normalise conversations around sexual wellness.

Breaking taboos. Building confidence. Supporting modern intimacy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jay-Jay Feeney Melissa Vranjes Hygiene & Healthy Living Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • How to enhance your sex life with erotic activities

    How to enhance your sex life with erotic activities
    Apr 21 2026
    This might be our most hilarious episode yet.In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes set out to talk about erotic activities, erotic energy, and how to bring more play, anticipation and aliveness into your sex life… and somewhere along the way, things descend into absolute chaos. There are tears. There is wheezing. There is a completely unhinged detour into animal play that nearly takes both hosts out.But underneath the laughter, there’s actually a really juicy conversation here. Mel explains that the erotic isn’t just about sex toys, lingerie, or trying to become some mysterious version of yourself. It’s about vitality, curiosity, self-expression, play, and creating moments that feel alive, exciting and connected.Together, JJ and Mel unpack how to break out of routine, why anticipation matters so much, and how to start exploring erotic activities in ways that feel fun rather than intimidating. This episode is full of ideas you can actually try, whether you’re a total beginner or ready to step a little further outside the box.In this episode:what the erotic actually meanswhy routine can flatten desirehow to bring more play and curiosity into your sex lifebeginner-friendly erotic activitiesmore adventurous ideas for couples who want to mix things upwhy sex does not have to be perfect or serious to be hotand why laughing together might be one of the sexiest things of allYou’ll hear ideas like:showering together with low lightspleasure mapping each other’s bodiessensory play with touch, temperature and massage oilreading erotica to each otherfeeding each other slowly and teasinglyerotic massageundressing each other with intentionand yes… the now-infamous animal play conversation that sends everyone off the rails.Pleasure Practice: choose an inside-the-box or outside-the-box erotic activity and give it a go.Next episode: How to Have Earth-Shattering Orgasms. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered.SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.comSupport the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    38 mins
  • How to navigate low libido in pregnancy and sex postpartum (Mel’s story)

    How to navigate low libido in pregnancy and sex postpartum (Mel’s story)
    Apr 14 2026
    Pregnancy can change everything.. your body, your hormones, your relationship to pleasure, and the way you feel about s*x. In this deeply personal episode of How To Have S*x, Mel opens up about her first pregnancy, when she lost her libido at 15 weeks, stopped wanting s*x, and even lost the ability to have the internal org*sms she once loved. Jay-Jay and Mel talk honestly about what happens when s*x changes during pregnancy, how scary it can feel when desire disappears, and the panic that can come with wondering whether your s*xuality will ever come back. Mel shares how different her second pregnancy has been, why her first experience felt so confronting, and what helped her and her partner stay intimately connected even when penetrative s*x was off the table for months. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt confused, shut down, touched out, disconnected from their body, or scared that a low libido season means something is wrong. It’s also a powerful listen for partners who want to understand how to stay close, supportive, and connected without adding pressure. In this episode, we cover:what low libido in pregnancy can actually feel like the difference between “I don’t want s*x” and “I don’t feel s*xual at all” how pregnancy affected Mel’s org*sms and body confidence how to talk about the elephant in the room with your partner how to stay intimately connected without penetrative s*x returning to s*x postpartum slowly, gently, and without pressure why self-touch can help before having penetrative s*x again pelvic floor physio, healing, and what’s actually normal after birth why you are allowed to be in a season why different doesn’t mean broken Mel also shares one of the most reassuring messages of the episode: you do not need to “bounce back.” Your body has changed, your life has changed, and your s*xuality may change too, but that does not mean it is gone forever. Next episode: how to bring the erotic back into your s*x life.This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
    Show More Show Less
    43 mins
  • How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)

    How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)
    Apr 7 2026

    Dirty talk makes Jay-Jay want to crawl under the bed and disappear… so naturally, that’s exactly what this episode is about.


    In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tackle one of the most cringe-inducing parts of intimacy: saying sexy things out loud without dissolving into laughter. If the thought of dirty talk makes you want to do your tax return instead, this episode is definitely for you.


    Melissa breaks down why dirty talk doesn’t actually have to be “dirty” at all. It can be playful, flirty, intimate, teasing, affirming, and deeply connecting — whether you’re in the same room or doing long distance. The episode covers how to start small, why texting can be the perfect gateway, how to move away from performative porn-style language, and how to find words that actually feel natural for you.


    Jay-Jay, meanwhile, does what Jay-Jay does best: says exactly what everyone else is thinking. Is it awkward? Yes. Will you laugh? Probably. Will you also come away with genuinely useful tips for talking sexy without feeling ridiculous? Also yes.


    In this episode, we cover:

    • what dirty talk really is
    • why so many people find it harder than sex itself
    • why sexy texting can be the easiest place to start
    • the difference between porn talk and real-life turn-on
    • how anticipation can be hotter than explicit language
    • how to talk in a way that reflects what you actually desire
    • how to laugh through the awkwardness instead of shutting down
    • why aftercare and compliments can be part of erotic talk too

    Plus, Melissa gives listeners a Pleasure Practice challenge for the week… and puts Jay-Jay on the spot with a live reading exercise that is every bit as awkward and hilarious as you’d hope.


    Mel mentions here Dirty Talk Cheat Sheet! You can download a copy of that here


    Next episode: Melissa opens up about pregnancy, libido loss, postpartum sex, and what happens when your body feels completely different to the one you used to know.


    This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

    Shop online at wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

    Pleasure Delivered.


    SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com/

    INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

    FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

    YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

    EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

    Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex


    How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz/


    HOSTS:

    Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

    Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney


    Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

    www.melissavranjes.com

    Instagram: @melissavranjes


    Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

    Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine.

    Pick up the latest issue to read it.


    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
    Show More Show Less
    40 mins
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