EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

If you've ever found yourself tiptoeing through your own home, rehearsing conversations to avoid triggering an explosion, or even putting a lock on your bedroom door for protection—you're not alone. Today's conversation with Dina Cannizzaro, Hopestream's Director of Education, confronts the uncomfortable reality so many parents face: how profoundly we normalize dangerous situations when our child struggles with substances.

Dina brings battle-tested wisdom from parenting her son Parker through nine years of IV heroin use (now nine years sober) and coaching hundreds of families through similar chaos. She shares the exact phrases that helped her reclaim emotional safety, the incremental boundary-setting approach that actually works, and why maintaining your sanctuary matters more than keeping an artificial peace.

This episode offers concrete strategies for those moments when you realize you're living in cognitive friction—simultaneously loving someone while feeling unsafe around them. Dina's approach alchemizes tough love into something more nuanced: fierce protection of the relationship itself, not just the person.

You'll learn:

• The exact phrase to use when verbal abuse erupts (and why repetition matters)
• How to distinguish between privacy and safety when deciding about bedroom locks
• Why leaving your home during conflict might signal defeat—and what to do instead
• The incremental boundary approach that builds your confidence from dishwasher disputes to dealbreakers
• Why confiscating substances from your teen's room isn't overstepping (it's parenting)
• The difference between emotional safety and physical safety—and why you deserve both
• How to humble yourself without sacrificing dignity after heated exchanges

As always when we get to have Dina on the podcast, it's a note-taking worthy hour you do not want to miss.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Episode 138 with Dina: Creating Conditions For Change
• The Chinese Farmer Hopestream episode 173 with Dina Cannizzaro
• Partnership to End Addiction - free resources for families

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When a young person you love is struggling with substances or challenging behaviors, the instinct to fix everything can feel overwhelming. In this illuminating conversation, marriage and family therapist Todd Sarner brings decades of attachment science into sharp focus, and offers a roadmap for parents navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence.

Drawing from his training with Dr. Gordon Neufeld and other attachment pioneers, Todd reveals why our kids' most hurtful behaviors often mask their deepest needs for connection. We explore the delicate dance between holding firm boundaries and maintaining compassion – what Todd beautifully describes as being both the "agent of futility" (clear limits) and the "angel of comfort" (empathy). We unpack why teenagers simultaneously push us away while desperately needing our presence, and how parents can invest in their own nervous systems to weather these storms.

Perhaps most powerfully, Todd reminds us that attachment isn't about perfection – research shows secure relationships miss connection bids 50-60% of the time. It's about showing up consistently, even imperfectly, with the understanding that our love remains the most powerful intervention we have.

You'll learn:

• Why sensitive kids often present as tough and disconnected – and how "defensive detachment" protects them from the pain of unmet connection needs
• The critical difference between punishment and boundaries, and how to communicate limits while preserving relationship
• How to navigate the teenage paradox: their biological drive for independence colliding with their continued need for guidance and safety
• Practical nervous system regulation techniques (including 4-7-8 breathing) that help parents stay grounded during explosive moments
• Why investing in your own self-care isn't selfish – it's essential preparation for holding space during your child's struggles
• The power of "bridging" – maintaining connection even through conflict, letting your child know that nothing can change your love for them

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Transformative Parenting website
• Todd’s Instagram

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

In this episode Cathy and I discuss unique skills from the business world that can be applied to our relationships - especially one with a struggling teen or young adult who is misusing substances and has mental health challenges.

I share a surprising learning I picked up from reading a book about hostage negotiation (you may even be able to relate to that kind of situation) and we dig into why it’s important for parents not to take your child’s actions and behaviors too personally. We tie this all into the CRAFT approach (of course) and I give a first hand account of how skills like SURF communication can be applied with anyone in your world, not just your struggling child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Never Split the Difference - negotiating as if your life depends on it, by Chris Voss

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.