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Hey White Women

Hey White Women

By: Daniella Mestyanek Young
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 In this insightful and candid conversation, Daniella Mestyanek Young, a scholar of cults, extreme groups, and extremely leadership, joins Rebecca, known as White Woman Whisperer on TikTok and Patreon, to delve into their experiences and revelations about cult dynamics, white supremacy, and systemic racism. Daniella, who grew up in the notorious Children of God cult and later served in the military, shares her journey of understanding and deconstructing white supremacy as a pervasive cult. Rebecca, a Black Jewish woman, discusses her own realizations about systemic racism and the similarities between white supremacy and cult behavior. Together, they explore the complexities of deprogramming from these ingrained systems, the importance of acknowledging privilege, and the power of vulnerability in fostering genuine understanding and change. This dialogue sheds light on the personal and societal challenges of breaking free from cult-like ideologies and the ongoing work required to dismantle oppressive systems.2024 Philosophy Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Hey White Women with Knitting Cult Lady and White Woman Whisperer Episode 44 | Community is inconvenient

    Hey White Women with Knitting Cult Lady and White Woman Whisperer Episode 44 | Community is inconvenient
    Aug 7 2025
    In this rich, wide-ranging conversation, Daniella and Rebecca reflect on systems of power, whiteness, deconstruction, and community. They begin by discussing "front-of-room advantage"—how audiences are conditioned to trust authority figures just because they're positioned at the front. This leads into critiques of white supremacy, especially how it shapes comfort, trust, and the way people engage with authority, learning, and community. They emphasize that community is inconvenient—it requires work, discomfort, and relationship with those who challenge you. Daniella speaks from her military and cult-survivor background, while Rebecca shares her experiences navigating race, culture, and gender as a Black woman. Together, they examine the cultural habits of white womanhood, critique performative gift-giving, the mythology of Santa Claus, and the pressures of performative gratitude. The episode moves fluidly between personal stories and structural critique, blending humor with sharp insights, especially around anti-racism, unlearning whiteness, and the emotional labor of deconstruction. Connect with Rebecca at: The White Woman Whisperer Website The White Woman Whisperer Patreon The White Woman Whisperer TikTok Connect with Daniella at: You can read all about that story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/4bwvNC0 Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Fundraiser for Culting of America book publishing https://tr.ee/fldwYRFTJ 🧠 On Front-of-Room Advantage & Trust in Authority “Front-of-room advantage” refers to the default trust and legitimacy people assign to whoever holds the mic—especially in white-dominant spaces. In Black spaces (e.g., the Apollo), this dynamic is reversed—audiences are the judges of credibility, not passive receivers. 📦 Community is Inconvenient Real community means staying in relationship even when people don’t yet think like you. White people must reckon with the work of reintegrating those leaving harmful ideologies (e.g., MAGA), instead of writing them off. 👩🏼‍🦱 White Womanhood vs Global White Womanhood Daniella critiques "American white womanhood" and shares how being raised in a global cult shaped her ability to see systems more clearly. Rebecca distinguishes between Christian white womanhood and other forms—highlighting how much cultural baggage is masked as universality. 🎁 Gifts, Gratitude & Performance Gift-giving is often transactional or performative, especially in capitalist white culture. True giving happens without expectation. Gratitude is often demanded rather than organically expressed—creating pressure, especially on children. 👩🏾‍🎓 Anti-Racism & Learning Not everyone who says they want to learn is actually ready. White women often ask questions that are rhetorical or self-centering instead of rooted in genuine curiosity or respect. ❓ Questions as Tools for Liberation Asking real, curious questions can create "cracks" in people’s conditioning—especially in cult-like belief systems. But questions should come from a place of humility, not performance or control. 🎭 Roles in Revolution Everyone has a different revolutionary role: storyteller, connector, strategist, etc. Not everyone should be a leader or agitator. Trying to fit into the wrong role leads to burnout and inefficacy. 🪞 Deconstruction is Personal Deconstructing whiteness or oppressive systems often involves grief—especially around lost pride in previous achievements (e.g., military service). It also includes deep inner child work—unlearning what systems taught us to believe about our worth. ❌ “Keeping the Peace” is Often About Silence “Keeping the peace” often means preserving the comfort of those in power, not actual peace. Daniella highlights that "peacekeeping" is a military term—it’s enforced through power, not mutuality. Chapters 00:00 Exploring Front of Room Advantage 05:15 Deconstructing Systems and Identity 11:08 The Complexity of White Womanhood 16:47 Navigating Privilege and Identity 22:40 Awakening and Responsibility 28:15 Understanding Revolutionary Roles 32:33 Questioning Cultural Narratives 36:12 Healing the Inner Child 40:21 The Illusion of Control in Parenting 44:12 The Healing Power of Unexpected Gifts 48:13 The Need for Authenticity in Relationships 52:07 The Importance of Listening and Learning 55:55 The Role of Audience in Conversations 01:00:05 Earning ...
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    1 hr and 56 mins
  • Episode 43 | Detangling White Supremacy

    Episode 43 | Detangling White Supremacy
    Jul 24 2025
    This episode is a wide-ranging conversation between Daniella and Rebecca about power, privilege, whiteness, and the dynamics of control in both personal and societal contexts. They share personal stories and cultural analysis to unpack how whiteness shapes perspective, behavior, and expectations; the illusion of confidence in white male leadership; and why fear of hypothetical harm dominates many white cultural narratives. The discussion explores the American Dream as a harmful myth rooted in capitalism and scarcity mindsets, and draws parallels between cult tactics and systemic control mechanisms that promise specialness and certainty. The hosts also connect these themes to real-world examples, including Blue Ivy’s empowerment and the complexities of cancel culture, and they examine how community, solidarity, and accountability can disrupt systems of harm. Throughout the conversation, they reflect on creative work, competition, and the importance of embracing curiosity and ongoing deconstruction rather than striving for performative “wokeness.” Connect with Rebecca at: The White Woman Whisperer Website The White Woman Whisperer Patreon The White Woman Whisperer TikTok Connect with Daniella at: You can read all about that story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/4bwvNC0 Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Fundraiser for Culting of America book publishing https://tr.ee/fldwYRFTJ 🔑 Key Takeaways Bottom-Up vs. Top-Down Thinking: Detangling hair is a metaphor for systemic change—start from the roots, not the surface. Dangerous Confidence: White male leaders are often granted authority without competence, leading others off metaphorical cliffs. Privilege and Paralysis: “Pampered to paralysis” privilege fosters fragility and fear of discomfort. Hypothetical Harm Culture: Whiteness tends to catastrophize imagined futures rather than engage with current realities. Cults and Control: Systems of power work by telling followers they’re special and “right,” fostering dependency. Scarcity and Competition: White culture embeds competition in everything, making collaboration harder. Cancel Culture Nuance: Black communities often lean toward restoration and accountability, while whiteness pushes permanent exclusion. Performative Credibility: Visibility and status (books, speaking gigs) are often mistaken for expertise. Solidarity in Action: Allyship means speaking up and using privilege without centering yourself. Deconstruction is Continuous: Growth comes from curiosity and sharing learning moments, not rushing to seem “woke.” Chapters 00:00 Detangling Hair: A Metaphor for Understanding Processes 02:52 Whiteness and Dangerous Confidence 05:53 Perspectives in Writing and Audience Engagement 08:56 The Privilege of Pampered Paralysis 11:41 The Banality of Evil and American Exceptionalism 14:23 Cultural Narratives and Accountability 17:21 The Complexity of Cancel Culture 20:35 Empowerment and Protection in the Black Community 23:23 The Dynamics of Friendship and Accountability 26:10 The Impact of Education on Identity 29:08 The American Dream and Its Discontents 35:08 The Illusion of Conversation 36:33 White Supremacy and Its Discontents 38:15 The Cult of Superiority 40:34 Suffering and Validation 42:39 Scarcity Mindset and Competition 45:15 Collaboration Over Competition 48:17 The Role of Privilege 51:19 Future Perspectives and Growth 01:03:07 Navigating Public Perception and Image 01:04:17 The Dynamics of Opportunity and Networking 01:06:00 Cults, Control, and Organizational Psychology 01:08:37 Defining Cult Experiences and Inclusivity 01:10:46 The Complexity of Identity and Cultural Appropriation 01:12:26 Community vs. Competition in Social Spaces 01:15:34 The Weight of Whiteness and Societal Expectations 01:18:26 Creativity, Ownership, and Cultural Exchange 01:23:05 The Journey of Deconstruction and Self-Discovery Produced by Haley Phillips
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    1 hr and 30 mins
  • Episode 42 | The Language of Systems

    Episode 42 | The Language of Systems
    Jul 17 2025
    This episode dives into the cultural and personal narratives around productivity, storytelling, and the illusion of being “caught up.” Rebecca and Daniella explore the language we use—like “caught up,” “trappings of success,” and “by the book”—and unpack how these phrases reveal underlying systems of control and whiteness. They discuss the tension between wanting to create art and resisting the structures that commodify it, the permanence (and pressure) of publishing books versus the fluidity of online work, and the ways capitalism and cult-like systems shape our ideas of freedom and worth. Along the way, they connect these ideas to their personal experiences with writing, military culture, trauma, and storytelling as a tool for survival and resistance. Connect with Rebecca at: The White Woman Whisperer Website The White Woman Whisperer Patreon The White Woman Whisperer TikTok Connect with Daniella at: You can read all about that story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/4bwvNC0 Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_ Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Fundraiser for Culting of America book publishing https://tr.ee/fldwYRFTJ 🔑 Key Takeaways Language Reveals Systems – Everyday phrases like “caught up” or “leader of the free world” carry hidden hierarchies and illusions of control. The Lie of Arrival – There’s no magical point of being “done” or “caught up”; progress is constant, and seeking finality often mirrors white supremacist ideals of control. Books as Both Liberation & Trap – Publishing grants legitimacy but also fixes ideas in time, creating vulnerability for authors and reinforcing hierarchical systems. Cults & Capitalism – Military structures, fundraising models, and even book publishing share cult-like qualities—offering belonging and legitimacy in exchange for control. Storytelling as Power – Oral traditions and dynamic platforms like Patreon keep work fluid and resist commodification, in contrast to static, white-dominated literary norms. The Discomfort of Truth – Good art and meaningful stories require discomfort; avoidance or dissociation (through books, entertainment, etc.) reflects systemic patterns. Chapters 00:00 Language and Perception 03:44 The Illusion of Completion 06:52 Cultures of Control 09:32 The Weight of Expectations 12:41 The Art of Storytelling 15:29 The Dynamics of Authorship 18:35 Cultural Narratives and Their Impact 21:13 The Complexity of Identity 24:17 The Nature of Freedom 27:09 Reflections on Growth 31:29 The Power of Conversation and Community 33:11 Telling Our Stories: The Right to Speak 34:55 The Struggle for Validation in Storytelling 36:45 The Complexity of Author-Reader Relationships 39:17 The Role of Special Interests in Storytelling 41:10 Navigating Whiteness in Literature 42:19 The Emotional Impact of Listening vs. Reading 47:01 The Intersection of Race and Literature 49:47 The Dynamics of Trust in Healthcare 52:18 The Perception of Black Women in Professional Spaces 55:37 The Ethics of Subscription Models 59:46 The Stigma of Taking Leave and Seeking Help 01:02:41 The Influence of White Narratives on Storytelling 01:04:17 The Anxiety of Being Questioned as an Author 01:05:15 Navigating Conversations and Perspectives 01:10:46 Understanding Whiteness and Its Implications 01:16:13 The Role of Community in Healing 01:21:59 Confidence and the Power of Gathering 01:27:45 Cult Dynamics and Healthy Engagement Produced by Haley Phillips
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    1 hr and 31 mins
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