abstraction helps us grasp the real thing.

it’s been a minute. the last time I released an episode was in May- right in the midst of the loss and grief that swallowed me for a while.

this is not a grand re-entrance, just a stumbling ramble back into this unending conversation of what it means to see in real time.

In this episode I talk about the moment I finally opened my nostalgia now photographic journaling ritual again after the longest hiatus I ever took from it. Through it I rediscover how the blur and abstraction, instead of taking me away from reality, actually pull me closer to it.

every photograph doesn't have to be about what’s gone, it gets to be a correspondence with what’s still here.

I share what it’s been like to feel creative again after loss and to find the side doors back into presence when the front one feels jammed.

this is me re-entering into this space- blurry eyed and awake.

subscribe on substack for the visual version of this episode.

The following is my experience over the last 3 months in losing my pregnancy. I’ve repeatedly been told how common it is to have this happen- and yet again, I find myself in a “common” place with such a minimal amount of context for it. Grasping for hands to hold in this hushed common ground has been critical, I hope my voice becomes a hand you’ll never need to hold.

get the visual version here: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/

when I was a little girl, before I had any understanding that most of us never do exactly what we say we want to do, my dad told me if he ever had the chance he would 100% go to the moon. I was absolutely horrified. But even in my panic, even in my steadfast objection- I remember his eyes.

What happens when we start respecting ALL parts of ourselves- like the exact constellation we are meant to be? What happens when we stop operating from a place of insufficiency or subconscious shame and start living our lives according to our own design? Join the conversation with human design guide & business mentor Sylvia Bbela substack for this episode: https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/ More from Sylvia Bbela : https://www.instagram.com/sylbbela.co/ All things Sylvia here

Is it because they are saying something I wish I could? Is it because it makes me feel something I can’t muster up for myself? Is it because I’m looking for permission to feel something I haven’t even let myself acknowledge? Why do I watch the same shows over and over and over again?

Is it because I want to feel comforted and familiar without having to actually participate? Is it because I feel braced for what I know occurs and I don’t have to feel it fresh and hard? Is it because I won’t allow space for something I don’t already know?

If I read about writing instead of actually writing, I can feel like I’m in that world without actually having to be in the work of it. If I read about others thoughts on philosophy and life, I can breathe the sigh of relief that I’m not as alien as I thought and lessen the compulsion to have to articulate myself.

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 Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. It's all I've ever known. This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt . I grasp for moments like chasing bubbles. Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact… Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE.