This week a listener describes what it was like to grow up largely invisible and also scapegoated, while their older sister held the role of the golden child.

With a covertly narcissistic mother and an overtly narcissistic father, achievements, independence, and curiosity were mocked rather than celebrated, while approval always seemed just out of reach. Praise was offered to strangers, but rarely, if ever, directly to the child who longed to hear it.

The story also touches on boundary violations, body shaming, and the subtle but powerful ways children learn to survive within dysfunctional systems — becoming the “good child,” the high achiever, the one who stays quiet and contained in order to maintain stability.

But the dynamics didn’t stay in childhood. When this listener became a parent and began setting boundaries, the family system escalated in ways that will feel painfully familiar to many who grew up in similar environments.

If you grew up in a family where love felt conditional, where roles were rigid, or where your reality was often dismissed, this story may resonate deeply.

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Katie McKenna

Accredited Psychotherapist, Podcast Host, Author

BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast