Have you ever felt like you were the “extra invite?” The “filler friend?” The friend who gets invited to the big events but never the intimate gatherings?

There are lots of reasons people find themselves in this position. Maybe a big life change has altered friend dynamics; maybe you’re just in a totally new friendship group. But maybe you’re also exhibiting behaviors that are keeping you on the fringe.

If you want deeper friendships and to be part of more intimate gatherings, you can change this, and in this episode I offer tips on how to do this, from initiating invitations to focusing on the individual connections in your group.

But I also talk about the benefits of those “second tier” friendships. Don’t forget, they can still be beautiful connections in your life, even if they don’t become part of your inner circle.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• My friend who complained to me about always being the “extra invite” – and how she changed this to create a more fulfilling network
• The value in the Wheel of Connection in understanding the different kinds of friends, from familiar to defined connections
• Why fringe friendships can be beautiful and meaningful, even if they are not all-encompassing
• The benefits of strengthening relationships with each friend in a group, which consequently strengthens your connection with the group as a whole

Resources & Links

Listen to Episode 100 about the Wheel of Connection.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

There are songs about romantic heartbreak, but where are the songs about losing a friend who meant EVERYTHING to you? That’s what Leila Six and I want to know.

Today’s guest, Leila Six, is a singer-songwriter who is asking the hard questions about friendship in her music, using art to contribute to a culture that values all kinds of love, not just the romantic kind.

In this episode, we dive deep on why friendship deserves its own soundtrack, how art can help us process complex emotions, and what it looks like to be a social artist in a world that doesn't always value the art of connection.

Leila just released a new version of her song, “Glad,” which is her love letter to platonic love, and in order to spread the word, she’s hosting a contest! The prize? A copy of Shasta Nelson’s book, Frientimacy. The contest ends on the International Day of Friendship, July 30.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Challenges of voicing needs in friendships and the societal messages that friendship should be easy and effortless
• Learning to handle conflicts in friendships, similar to how we handle conflicts in romantic relationships
• The importance of having diverse relationships and maintaining proximity with friends, even if they are far away
• The lack of representation of real friendship experiences in media and art, often portraying friendship as overly romanticized or immature

Resources & Links

Follow Leila Six on YouTube, listen to her music (including “Glad!”), and enter her contest!

Listen to Episode 27 and Episode 69 about the loneliness epidemic; Episode 120 about how friendship is a political act; and Episodes 5 and Episode 7 with Alex Friedman.

Follow Shasta Nelson on YouTube and Instagram, and read All About Love by Bell Hooks and How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

A few years ago, five sets of my friends moved away within a six-month period. These people were my emergency contacts, the people I did Sunday dinners with. I was devastated.

This isn’t a unique experience; it often happens to people in their late 20s and early 30s, when life paths start to diverge. Friends get married and have kids. They travel the world and pursue their careers. The friendships start to feel different.

I call this phenomenon the great friendship shift, which I talk about today with Ericka Parker, founder and CEO of SILKENN (who is also host of the Boss Babe Reset podcast, which I was recently a guest on!). What do you do when your priorities have shifted so dramatically that your old ways of connecting don't work anymore?

When you look around and realize that your friendships feel different, it’s not a sign you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you’re growing. The key is to be intentional about the connections you want to nurture, and to create new patterns that actually work for this version of your life.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The emotional experience of dealing with changing friendships, and how Ericka’s busy life has affected hers
• What Ericka set up for her “pineapple friends” that has been a game-changer for staying in touch despite moves and life changes
• Proximity friendships vs. intentional friendships, and the benefits of having different friends for different areas of life
• Being flexible and adaptable in friendships, and also, being respectful of each others’ seasons of life – plus, the amazing benefits of bragging about a friend

Resources & Links

Listen to the episode of Boss Babe Reset that I was a guest on! And see Blake Blankenbecler, a friendship therapist mentioned in this episode, and follow her on Instagram.

Listen to Episode 12 about the types of friendship roots, and listen to Episode 2, Episode 50, and Episode 63 about the value of having different friends in different areas of life. Plus, see Episode 20 and Episode 21 about navigating friendship shifts.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok!

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!