Jay takes a seat at the world’s most uncomfortable dinner party courtesy of Mike’s latest cinematic punishment: Sushi Girl (2012), a post-Tarantino crime flick where the tension is raw, the violence is extra crispy, and the titular sushi girl lies perfectly still while a bunch of washed-up crooks yell at each other in between flashbacks. Mark Hamill wonderfully hams it up, Tony Todd tries to class up the joint, and somewhere in the middle a rogue's gallery of B-movie/slumming A-list stars arrive; including Michael Biehn, Danny Trejo, Sonny Chiba, Jeff Fahey and Noah Hathaway, the now all-grown-up guy who played Atreyu from The Neverending Story! Jay tries to figure out if this is a crime thriller, a food safety violation, or both, and then the guys count down their Bottom Five Meals—cinematic servings of food so unappetizing they’ll have you reaching for antacid. And if all that weren’t enough to settle your stomach, the guys close out the show by paying tribute to the recently-passed Tony Todd with a memorial tribute round of Kick Two, Pick Two. So grab your chopsticks, question your life choices, and join the podcast that wields films like deadly weapons where, like sushi, revenge is served cold.

Jay sends Mike boot-scootin’ straight into the tequila-soaked hellscape of Cowboy Ugly (2000)—a movie where dreams are big, tank tops are small, and apparently all of life’s problems can be solved with a gratuitous bar-top dance number. Was egregious cinematic leering over Piper Perabo, Tyra Banks, Maria Bello and Bridget Moynahan enough to help Mike endure the twangy torment of this feature-length soundtrack commercial? The guys will answer that and ponder many other existential questions, such as "who cleans up this alcohol-drenched and glass-littered horror show of a bar each night?" After the main review, the guys pull out their Bottom Five Needledrops—those cringeworthy moments when Hollywood smashed the “play” button on the most ill-fitting, and often most-overused, songs imaginable. Finally, they wrap things up with a rowdy round of Dueling Double Bills, slinging movie pairings with all the reckless abandon of a bartender spraying down a row of shot glasses. So dust off your cowboy boots, leave your inhibitions at the door, and remember: this podcast doesn’t do water, and it sure as hell doesn’t do requests!

In the latest episode of the podcast that wields films like deadly weapons, Mike drags Jay kicking and screaming into the twisted world of Rumpelstiltskin (1995)—a movie that asks the bold question, “What if a goblin got loose in 1990s Los Angeles and immediately learned to drive stick shift?” Between the boundlessly illogical plotting, endless baby screaming, and an ancient curse powered by hammy one-liners, the guys do their best to articulate a cinematic experience that feels less like a fairy tale and more like a cousin to Tommy Wiseau's The Room. After that, Jay and Mike count down their Bottom Five Names—a celebration of the worst, weirdest, and most aggressively stupid character names ever committed to film. Finally, in a heartfelt tribute, they honor the late, great Val Kilmer by playing a special round of Kick Two, Pick Two—pitting four of Kilmer’s movies against each other, with only two allowed to survive. So grab your favorite screaming infant, fire up your motorcycle, and join the fairy tale that somehow no one wanted—but everyone deserves to hear about!