Episode 376: You're Not Unmotivated. You're Avoiding Grief cover art

Episode 376: You're Not Unmotivated. You're Avoiding Grief

Episode 376: You're Not Unmotivated. You're Avoiding Grief

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 If you've been telling yourself you're unmotivated or burnt out or lazy or somehow broken, I want you to pause for a second. Because there's a good chance that none of that is true. There's a good chance you're not lacking drive. You're avoiding grief. The Grief Creative Entrepreneurs Don't Name Before you check out, this isn't about tragedy or loss in the obvious sense. This is about the kind of grief that creative entrepreneurs rarely name. It's grief for expectations that didn't pan out. The grief of versions of yourself you thought you'd be by now. The grief of timelines that expired. Most people don't talk about this because it feels dramatic. But it's not dramatic. It's subtle and it's quiet, and it shows up as I just can't get myself to do the thing. What Grief Actually Looks Like Creative entrepreneurs are really good at mislabeling this. We call it burnout or lack of motivation or discipline. But what's actually happening is something inside of you is unfinished. And for people like us, that's hard to deal with. It's not a task. It's a feeling. Grief doesn't always look like crying. Sometimes it looks like: Doom scrolling Procrastinating Getting yourself ready to do the thing, and then just sitting there Rearranging your workspace for the fifth time instead of starting Productivity with no direction You're doing things. You're just not doing that thing. The one that matters. The one that could move you forward. Because moving forward would mean acknowledging what didn't happen, and that's the part we avoid. Why We Skip Grief (And What Happens When We Do) We're taught to stay positive, right? How many times have you been told that? Just stay positive. Reframe. Pivot. Look for the lesson. And yes, okay, that's useful eventually. But grief doesn't like being bypassed. If you skip it, it doesn't just disappear. It shows up as fatigue or lack of desire that you can't really explain. And you might tell yourself, I should be more grateful. Other people have it worse. And that could be true. But gratitude doesn't cancel grief. They can coexist. You can be grateful for what you have and still mourn what you lost or what you never got. A lot of creative entrepreneurs are carrying grief for things that never had a funeral. What You Might Be Grieving The career that didn't take off the way you imagined. When I was a child, I knew with my whole heart I was going to be doing Shakespeare in the park. That didn't turn out for me. Maybe it will someday, but that's something I've had to grieve. A version of yourself that you believed would be easier to have by now. No one really tells you how to grieve those things, so you don't. You just kind of push harder, or you stop pushing altogether, and then you judge yourself for it. Here's something important: Motivation is an output. It is not a moral quality. It tends to disappear when you're carrying unresolved emotional weight. Grief is heavy. And when you start to notice it, you realize your body isn't resisting the work. It's protecting you from feeling something that you haven't given yourself permission to feel. Grief Doesn't Resolve with Time, It Resolves with Attention Avoiding grief looks like waiting for clarity or inspiration or to feel like yourself. But grief doesn't resolve on its own with time. It resolves with attention. I'm not saying you need to fall apart or wallow or stop working and take a break. I'm just saying you might need to acknowledge what you've been pretending didn't matter. Because I say that to myself all the time when something doesn't pan out for me. I'm like, oh, well it didn't matter. It did matter. Ask yourself this, very gently: What version of my life am I quietly disappointed didn't happen? What did I believe would be true by now that isn't? What am I still trying to outrun by staying busy, or by doing nothing? These questions aren't meant to derail you. They're meant to unstick you. Because grief that goes unnamed will keep hijacking your energy. Grief Isn't the Opposite of Ambition This is the part most people miss. Grief isn't the opposite of ambition. It's often the doorway back to it. Because once you stop pretending you're fine with something you're not fine with, your energy starts to return. As this steady willingness to engage again. You don't have to fix the grief. You just have to stop avoiding it. Sometimes that looks like saying out loud: I thought I'd be further along by now. Sometimes it looks like letting yourself feel sad without immediately turning it into a lesson. Sometimes it looks like saying: This didn't go the way that I hoped. And that honesty doesn't weaken you. It frees up space. And from that space, guess what comes back? Motivation. Not forced or frantic, but grounded. What Happens After You Acknowledge Grief Things don't suddenly feel amazing. But they do feel clearer. And clarity can feel uncomfortable. Because grief, when you acknowledge it, has...
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