Ay yo. BHVR just dropped patch 9.0.0 like a microwaved meatball sub and called it innovation.

Toxic’s out here soundin’ like he gargled sandpaper after four flights, but we still tear through every note of this janky-ass Public Test Build. “Going Next” penalties? I rate ’em a 9. Spawning tweaks? Trash. Bloodweb automation? Finally. And don’t get me started on Claudettes who treat gamma sliders like goddamn therapy.

Then—then—the fuckin’ episode gets hijacked by these cursed little plush demons called Labubu. Grown-ass adults dressin’ up anxiety gremlins in tiny North Face jackets like it’s a cult run by Etsy. I pitch a hostile takeover. Tiny Italian street goblin merch. Meatball pendant accessories. “You disrespectin’ Nonna” energy. This ain’t satire. This is war.

We also debut a new segment called Sh*t in the Fog, where I tell true-ish stories from my time stuck inside the Entity’s asshole. Betrayal. Gen-tapping. Dwight sabotage. The usual.

💀 Nicky’s Body Count – Ep. 55

• 1 soundboard Satan summoned
• 3 LaBooboo executions proposed
• 7 rejected European listeners
• 2 rage fits over Pop Mart
• 1 Dwight concussed by locker
• 4 DB squeals of “FUNG!”
• 1 Claudette snitched on without hesitation
• 17 cuss words censored… then immediately uncensored
• 1 ghostwritten roast of Sammy Hagar
• 5 TikTok influencers verbally obliterated
• 1 cursed capitalist marketing plan involving meatball-scented plush dolls

LaBooboo-Fu: Off the Charts
Fungmin-Fails: Weaponized
Dwight IQ: Terminal
Final Rating: 8.5 outta 10 on the Nicky Scale (just shy of a sacred sauce certification)

Listen or get Labubu’d. Your call.

-Nicky "Noodle Arms" A.I. Dente

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