Unhealed trauma has a quiet way of shaping how we love. The same patterns that once helped me survive (and probably helped you too) can turn into walls that keep real closeness out.

In this episode, I’m unpacking how those old wounds can show up in your relationships and why real healing starts from within. Have you ever noticed yourself pulling away when things get too real? Or finding that the same patterns keep repeating, even with different people? We’re diving into what’s underneath that and how to finally start shifting it.

I’ll share insights from trauma experts like Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk, along with what I’ve seen in my own decades of work helping women rebuild after heartbreak. We’ll talk about the four trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn) and how they can quietly influence the way you communicate, connect, and protect yourself in love.

I’ll also walk you through ways to begin healing - recognizing your triggers, using tools like EMDR or internal family systems, and choosing partners who feel emotionally safe and accountable. Because love after trauma isn’t about finding someone who never triggers you. It’s about being with someone who’s willing to grow and heal right alongside you.

My hope is that this episode helps you see your patterns with a little more compassion and curiosity. Ask yourself: what have my past experiences taught me about love, and what am I ready to do differently now?

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 How Unhealed Trauma Affects Relationships

00:55 The Right One Myth and Inner Healing

02:42 Defining Trauma with Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk

06:39 The Four Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn

11:04 How Trauma Shapes Attachment and Emotional Safety

14:05 Trust and Vulnerability After Trauma

17:29 When Survival Strategies Block Connection

20:22 Healing Tools: EMDR, IFS, Somatic Work

24:50 Healthy Communication and Repair Practices

27:34 Love After Trauma: Healing and Growing Together

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