Shift your state first. Then go find the person.

This episode is for anyone who’s swiping, spiraling, or wondering why dating feels so fucking hard right now.

Dating is usually discussed in terms of apps, algorithms, and luck. But we rarely talk about the state you’re in before you even start swiping—and how that state determines everything that comes next.

In this episode of Music Is Therapy, DJ Hesta Prynn sits down with dating expert Damona Hoffman to explore why dating has actually gotten worse (it’s not just you), and what to do about it. From pre-date playlists to the "three must-haves and one deal breaker" rule, Damona breaks down the strategies that actually work—including the one thing most people get wrong: looking for someone else to fix their mood instead of fixing it themselves first.

This conversation is practical, honest, and full of actual tools you can use today. It’s a reminder that dating isn't fate—it’s strategy, intention, and showing up in the right state.

If you’ve ever opened Hinge while feeling like shit and wondered why nothing worked out, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we dive into:

• The State Before the Swipe: Why swiping for a confidence hit is like grocery shopping while starving—you’re going to make bad choices.
• Pre-Date Playlists: Why you need a "hype track" and why Olivia Rodrigo is officially banned from your pre-game.
• The "Thank You" vs. "Dazed and Confused" Test: Are you looking for the soulmate or are you just stuck in the cycle?
• Three Must-Haves + One Deal Breaker: How to get clear on what you actually want (not what your mom or your friends want).
• Your Dates Are Too Long: Why 60–90 minutes is the sweet spot. No dinners, no marathons.
• Stop the Endless Texting: How to actually get from the app to IRL without losing the spark.
• Damona's Song: "Have It All" by Jason Mraz—and why healthy love sounds like wanting your partner to have everything.
• The Real Work: Why "F the Fairy Tale" means taking accountability for your own playlist.

This episode is sponsored by you not wasting another six months on someone who violates your deal breaker.

Monthly Playlist

The Love and Happiness Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/07iyBQcQJtSw3PXw7i6S7t?si=5323d4367303405e

Featured Song: "Thank You" – Led Zeppelin Howard Stern called it the most romantic song of all time. "If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you." The kind of love we’re all looking for.

Connect with Damona

• Website: damonahoffman.com
• Instagram: @damonahoffman
• Podcast: Dates & Mates (available everywhere)
• Book: F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story

Connect with Hesta

• Instagram: @hestaprynnmusic
• Substack: hestaprynn.substack.com
• Course: Music Connection Therapy

Have a question for the show? musicistherapypod@gmail.com

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