Episodes

  • 77: The Betrayal Bind with Michelle Mays: Healing the Attachment Wound After Infidelity

    77: The Betrayal Bind with Michelle Mays: Healing the Attachment Wound After Infidelity
    Nov 13 2025
    How do you recover when the person you love has betrayed you? Author Michelle Mays (LPC, CSAT-S) joins Luke Gordon to explore The Betrayal Bind — the painful paradox of needing the very person who hurt you. Discover how attachment theory, betrayal trauma, and nervous system science explain what happens after infidelity and how both partners can rebuild trust.Topics include:The three wounds of betrayal: emotional, attachment, and sexualWhy “attachment ambivalence” feels like chaosHow betrayed and betraying partners can reconnect safelyConnect with Michelle:Braving Hope Coaching ProgramRelational RecoveryFacebookBook: The Betrayal Bind💡 Brought to you by Choose Recovery Services — guiding individuals and couples through betrayal trauma recovery.Chapters01:18 Introducing Michelle Mays04:48 The Betrayal Bind07:06 Attachment and Betrayal11:30 Navigating Safe Relationships13:30 Wounds From Betrayal18:04 Sexual Injuries and Recovery21:31 Attachment Ambivalence 28:02 Attunement and Responsiveness 32:08 Building Trust Through ConsistencyWatch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE⁠Register Now!Rise, Renew, Restore Somatic Healing Retreat in Costa Rica: Join us this July for a transformative 5-day intensive created specifically for women healing from betrayal trauma or navigating divorce. This is your opportunity to reconnect with your body's wisdom, release what you've been carrying, and heal alongside other women who truly understand your journey. Spots are limited so register early!Revive and Thrive Somatic Intensive for Women - Join us for a transformative four-day somatic healing intensive for women carrying trauma and tension in their bodies. Experience gentle release through expert-guided breathwork, brainspotting, energy healing, and nature immersion as you reclaim your body. Intensive is Jan 27-30, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah. We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives. Connect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    39 mins
  • 76: Feeling Defensive? The Four-Step Shift That Rebuilds Trust and Connection

    76: Feeling Defensive? The Four-Step Shift That Rebuilds Trust and Connection
    Nov 6 2025
    Ever notice how defensiveness shows up even when your intentions are good?In this episode, Luke Gordon reveals why defensiveness is a biological protection strategy — not a moral failure — and how to shift it into connection.You’ll learn:Why your nervous system reacts before you doHow empathy changes the way truth landsThe four-step shift: Pause, Name, Acknowledge, RespondHow to rebuild emotional safety after conflict💡 “Truth lands differently when empathy comes first.”Discover tools for healing and communication at ChooseRecoveryServices.comChapters00:00 – “You’re being defensive!” — why it stings01:50 - Understanding defensiveness03:46 - The answering trap06:14 Recognizing the signals07:42 Tools for shifting from defensiveness to connection10:15 Practice and TakeawaysWatch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE⁠Register Now!Rise, Renew, Restore Somatic Healing Retreat in Costa Rica: Join us this July for a transformative 5-day intensive created specifically for women healing from betrayal trauma or navigating divorce. This is your opportunity to reconnect with your body's wisdom, release what you've been carrying, and heal alongside other women who truly understand your journey. Spots are limited so register early!Connect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    12 mins
  • 75: The Moment Recovery Becomes Real - with Isy Williams

    75: The Moment Recovery Becomes Real - with Isy Williams
    Oct 30 2025
    Ready to move beyond “checking the boxes” in recovery? In this powerful conversation, Luke Gordon and Isy Williams, coaches with Choose Recovery Services, explore the turning point when betrayal trauma recovery and sexual addiction recovery shift from something you do to something you live. Through personal stories and hard-won wisdom, they share how emotional healing, integrity, and authentic connection create lasting transformation—and why embracing discomfort is the key to real change.What You'll Learn:The difference between halfway commitment and full immersion in recoveryWhy ownership matters more than compliance or perfectionismHow embracing discomfort leads to authentic transformationLearn more about Isy and book a complimentary session here. Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE⁠Connect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    36 mins
  • 74: Perfectionism and Shame

    74: Perfectionism and Shame
    Oct 23 2025

    Ever notice how the harder you try to get everything right, the more isolated and empty you feel? This week Luke unpacks perfectionism not as a personality flaw, but as a survival strategy—a shield we use to avoid shame and rejection.

    Drawing on Brené Brown's work and his own recovery journey, he explores why we chase an impossible standard and what it costs us in connection, authenticity, and peace.

    What You'll Learn:

    • Why perfectionism is fear-based, not excellence-driven

    • How shame and control fuel the need to be "perfect"

    • Practical questions to shift from performance to presence


      Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE⁠


    Connect With Us:

    • Learn more about Luke here.

    • Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

    • Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air!

    • Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services

    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

    • Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

    • Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.

    Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

    • Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

    • Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.

    • Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.

    • Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy.

    • Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.

    Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    15 mins
  • 73: The Myth of "I Told You Everything"

    73: The Myth of "I Told You Everything"
    Oct 16 2025
    What if claiming you’ve shared everything with your partner is actually sabotaging your recovery? In this eye-opening episode, Luke explains why the statement “I’ve told you everything is so damaging. He reveals how recovery works in layers, why humility trumps certainty, and how acknowledging what you don’t know yet actually builds more trust than claiming you know it all.Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE⁠What you’ll learn:Why claiming full awareness breeds stagnation and relapse in recoveryHow denial creates constructed realities that feel safe but aren’t fully trueHow believing you’ve “made it” shuts down growthChapters01:10 The Problem of “I’ve Told You Everything”02:07 Constructed Realities and Denial04:33 Addictive Systems and Belief Structures07:40 The Illusion of Full Awareness13:43 Managing Outcomes vs. Living in Truth15:10 Practical Language for True AwarenessConnect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    18 mins
  • 72: You Can't Shame Yourself Into Change

    72: You Can't Shame Yourself Into Change
    Oct 9 2025
    Are you beating yourself up in the name of accountability and in the process accidentally blocking the very change you’re after? This week Luke challenges the myth that shame leads to transformation, sharing a powerful D-Day story where his self-loathing actually prevented him from hearing his partner’s pain. He breaks down why self-compassion isn’t about escaping accountability; it’s what makes genuine accountability possible.Listen to learn:Why shame blocks empathy and keeps you stuckHow self-compassion and accountability can exist in the same breathWhat self-compassion actually looks like in recovery (and it’s not letting yourself off the hook!)Chapters00:15 Luke’s Personal Story of Shame01:25 Understanding Self-Compassion03:19 Debunking Myths About Self-Compassion08:59 Real-Life Examples of Self-CompassionLAST CHANCE TO REGISTER!Courage to Thrive - This intensive brings together expert trauma specialists in the serene Utah mountains for a transformative experience that goes beyond healing—it's about getting your power back. Join other courageous women October 14-17, 2025, and leave with proven strategies, unshakeable boundaries, and renewed hope…because your story doesn't end with betrayal—it transforms into something powerful.We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans are available for all of our intensives. Apply for scholarships here. Connect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    13 mins
  • 71: Why Can't My Partner See the Good?

    71: Why Can't My Partner See the Good?
    Sep 25 2025
    Why is it so hard for a betrayed partner to see the positive changes you’ve made? This week Luke is again joined by Alana Gordon (LMFT, co-owner and founder of Choose Recovery Services, and president of APSATS) and together they delve into the complexities of betrayal trauma healing.Listen in as Luke gives a powerful analogy of hiking with a mountain lion to explain the brain’s constant search for emotional safety. Tune in to learn: The necessity of consistent positive actionsThe importance of letting go of instant validationHow to truly rebuild trust over timeChapters01:17 Understanding Betrayal Trauma01:55 The Mountain Lion Analogy04:11 Emotional Safety and Trust08:57 Advice for Individuals Seeking RecoveryRegister Now!Courage to Thrive - This intensive brings together expert trauma specialists in the serene Utah mountains for a transformative experience that goes beyond healing—it's about getting your power back. Join other courageous women October 14-17, 2025, and leave with proven strategies, unshakeable boundaries, and renewed hope…because your story doesn't end with betrayal—it transforms into something powerful.We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans are available for all of our intensives. Apply for scholarships here. Connect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    11 mins
  • 70: What Does Real Recovery Look Like? Part 2

    70: What Does Real Recovery Look Like? Part 2
    Sep 18 2025
    Are you struggling to know what real recovery and change looks like? This week Alana Gordon (LMFT, co-owner and founder of Choose, and president of APSATS) is back to continue the discussion about red flags and green flags when it comes to recovery. Listen in to hear about boundaries, lifestyle shifts, and empathy. Learn to identify toxic patterns, embrace healthy changes, and cultivate deep empathy for yourself and others as you heal.Listen to Part 1 here!Tune in to learn:Why real recovery requires changing your environment and relationships, not just your behaviorHow to rid yourself of the “what about me” mentalityThe difference between performative and genuine empathyChapters01:21 Boundaries and Lifestyle Shifts03:48 Rationalizing Risky Environments11:53 External Promises vs. Internal Guardrails13:19 Commitment to Safety Over Old Patterns16:47 Healthy Rhythms and Self-Care20:45 Boundaries and Values28:37 Empathy and Attunement33:45 Heartfelt EmpathyRegister Now!Courage to Thrive - This intensive brings together expert trauma specialists in the serene Utah mountains for a transformative experience that goes beyond healing—it's about getting your power back. Join other courageous women October 14-17, 2025, and leave with proven strategies, unshakeable boundaries, and renewed hope…because your story doesn't end with betrayal—it transforms into something powerful.We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships and payment plans are available for all of our intensives. Learn more and see if you qualify.Connect With Us:Learn more about Luke here. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com
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    42 mins