So here's a wild week: one host nearly dies from kidney stones while the other rediscovers that teaching online is actually better than in-person classes. Sam and Jeff start by hilariously "canceling" loyal listener Margaret O'Brien for the ultimate betrayal, mentioning a rival podcast in her Christmas card. (She's now officially "Maga Margaret Minaj.")

The conversation takes a dark turn when one host recounts waking up at 3 AM in excruciating pain, rushing to the emergency room where a PA literally punched his kidneys for diagnosis. The uric acid stone, caused by genetic factors and too much red meat and alcohol, led to uncontrollable vomiting and significant weight loss. After an awkward encounter with a nurse named Jezebel over fluorescent orange urine, he's now waiting to see a urologist while still carrying the stone around inside him.

Between medical trauma and Real Housewives drama, the hosts also discuss a Peruvian festival where people legally fight to settle grievances, their shrinking "mortal enemy list" since leaving UB, and why "girls' gays" support women's rights more than regular "gays." They watched Avatar: The Way of Water in uncomfortable IMAX seats, abandoned a terrible football thriller after an hour, and somehow ended up watching a Madea Christmas movie at midnight.