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Bonus Episode: Thanksgiving Strategies

Bonus Episode: Thanksgiving Strategies

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 Bonus Episode: Thanksgiving Strategies November 25, 2025 The holidays can be challenging for any family. Let alone a family navigating the murky waters of addiction or alcoholism. On the precipice of such a challenging event, the Thanksgiving dinner that is looming in our distance. Let’s briefly remind ourselves of our; RoleBoundariesYour Tool Kit With that, let’s dive into this week’s mini-episode. Reminder of Our Role With the prospect of the great Thanksgiving Dinner looming in the distance, as partners of good people suffering from addiction or alcoholism. Our minds have already begun a neurotic examination of possible scenarios that will undoubtedly lead to triggering emotions in our partners. (Deep breath) This is a gentle reminder, THIS IS NOT YOUR ROLE HERE. It is NOT your job to carefully examine the landscape and look for the hidden landmines.It is NOT your job to try to navigate emotional triggers to shield your partner from encountering any distress.It is NOT your job to be the buffer between your partner and his family.It is NOT your job to maniacally follow your partner around to ensure they never have the opportunity to engage in secret spirits. Take a deep breath and LET GO of that role. That is a HUGE burden you have been carrying. And again, WE KNOW that we fall into that role as a logical reaction to our partners’ behaviors when they are in active addiction. Born of the best of intentions, under the worst of circumstances. So IF THAT is not our role. What is our role? Let’s discuss. Enacting Healthy and Appropriate Boundaries A reminder here, we define a boundary as a sphere of safety around your persons. That encompasses; Physical BoundariesEmotional BoundariesPsychological BoundariesCommunicative Boundaries Ask yourself this simple, yet very difficult question. “What boundaries do YOU need to feel safe this Thanksgiving?” (Deep breath) That’s a big question. Now, recognize that your family, or your partner’s family’s expectations for the holiday, have no business influencing the answer to that question. Any justification or excuse you may feel compelled to use to avoid setting an appropriate and healthy boundary needs to be evaluated, disarmed, and reconciled. So I ask again, “What boundaries do YOU need to feel safe this Thanksgiving?” Do you need to, Go late to the dinner, and leave early?Skip the big family event, opt for a casual morning visit with the family – a more intimate controlled, sober option for engaging with the family?Skip the family events all together? Cook a meal at home with the kids? These are only options to get your creative juices flowing, so you can craft a plan that; Meets your family’s needsEnsures your boundaries are upheld and you feel safeHonors your own ties to your extended familyHonors the tradition and sentiment of the holiday The BIG Boundary COMES FIRST The above are boundaries around the dinner event itself. But let’s talk about the BIG boundary that needs to be in place. Are you ready? “You will accept nothing, other than sobriety this holiday.” Say it out loud, over and over again, until you find peace, logic, and serenity in that statement. You will accept NOTHING short of a fully sober partner. That is THE MAIN BOUNDARY that needs to be upheld and enforced before ANY OTHER BOUNDARY can be ventured or gained. What do I mean by this? Simple. If you enact a variety of boundaries to prop up your day, to protect your peace. And your partner is living in active addiction, and quite predictably becomes intoxicated. What exactly is it that you have protected or gained through your efforts? You must FIRST ensure your MAIN BOUNDARY, your BIG SCARY BOUNDARY, is in place before you structure your day. Know this truth, this is a FACT of being married to a good person suffering from addiction or alcoholism – regardless of the day of the week – regardless of the looming holiday. This coming holiday simply serves as an opportunity to practice your newly learned skills. To step out of the natural codependent role. And into a role that is PRODUCTIVE, PROPELS YOU (and your kids – if you have them) FORWARD, towards a better tomorrow. Your Tool Kit – Healthy Skills With that, let’s discuss your skills, the tool kit YOU need to be equipped with this week. In brief; Mindful of Typical Codependent PitfallsDetaching MantraYour Guide to Navigating Manipulations and LiesLens of Critical ThinkingYour Definition of LOVE Let’s discuss in greater detail. Mindful of Typical (and Atypical) Codependent Pitfalls Let’s remind ourselves of the definition of Co-Dependent Partners; “A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect them and who is OBSESSED with controlling that person’s behavior.” Defined by Melody Beattie in her book Codependent No More. For me, my codependent tendencies are so deeply entrenched with enmeshment, I have to remind myself to DETACH. To not only detach myself from my ...
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