In Episode 30 of our Week 4 Lenten journey with St. Bernard of Clairvaux’s On Loving God, we reflect on the humble beginning of love. St. Bernard speaks with striking honesty: the human person does not begin by loving God perfectly; rather, it often turns to Him first out of need, weakness, and dependence. This is not a failure of love, but its beginning.

In harmony with the wisdom of The Holy Rule of St. Benedict, this episode reminds us that grace does not build on illusion, but on truth. We do not come to God already purified or spiritually mature. We come as we are—limited, burdened, and learning. Bernard shows that when the soul recognizes it cannot sustain itself, it begins to seek God by faith and love Him as necessary.

The episode explores how this early love, though tinged with self-interest, remains real and precious. Over time, through prayer, humility, obedience, stability, and daily fidelity, grace purifies the heart. Slowly, love matures from loving God for what He gives to loving Him for who He is. This is a gentle, hopeful teaching about spiritual growth, reminding us that God does not despise the needy heart, but draws it forward into deeper love.

St. Bernard of Clairvaux, On Loving God, Chapter 8 §§23-24

“At first man loves himself for himself,
for he is flesh and cannot love otherwise.
But when he sees that he cannot subsist by himself,
he begins to seek God by faith and to love Him as necessary.
Thus in the second degree, man loves God,
but for his own advantage, not yet for God’s sake.”

“Primo homo se ipsum diligit propter se ipsum, quia caro est et aliter diligere non novit. Sed ubi se ipsum non posse subsistere advertit, incipit Deum per fidem quaerere et diligere, tanquam sibi necessarium. Sic in secundo gradu diligit homo Deum, sed propter se, non propter ipsum.”

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.”

1. When I turn to God in prayer, am I honest about the needs, fears or burdens that bring me to Him?

2. Do I ever become discouraged because my love for God feels imperfect or mixed?

3. How does St. Bernard’s teaching help me see that grace works through real beginnings, not imagined perfection?

4. In what ways is God inviting my love to grow beyond need alone into deeper trust and surrender?

5. How are humility, obedience, prayer and daily fidelity shaping my heart during this Lenten season?

6. Where do I see the Lord patiently drawing me forward rather than condemning me for where I begin?

7. What would it look like for me to remain with God long enough for love to be purified?

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