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AuDHD and the Social Battery: Why You’re Still Exhausted After Rest

AuDHD and the Social Battery: Why You’re Still Exhausted After Rest

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 Show Notes:Hello and welcome to Authentically ADHD – I’m Carmen, and I’m so glad you’re tuning in. Today we’re exploring a topic I know many of us grapple with: why you’re still exhausted even after resting, especially when you’re both autistic and ADHD (often called AuDHD). If you’ve ever wondered, “I took a break, so why do I still feel drained?” this episode is for you.We often hear about the idea of a “social battery.” The classic metaphor goes like this: social time drains you, alone time or rest recharges you, then you’re good to go again. It’s a handy way to explain why you might feel wiped out after a party or a day of meetings – you used up your social battery and need some quiet time to recharge. For neurotypical folks or even just introverts, that simple formula sometimes works: hang out with people (battery drains), spend a night in (battery refills), and you’re refreshed.But if you’re neurodivergent – and especially if you’re AuDHD (autistic + ADHD) – you’ve probably noticed it’s not that simple. You might spend a weekend resting at home only to wake up on Monday still bone-tired. Or you take a day off to recharge, and by evening you’re more exhausted than before. What gives? In today’s episode, we’re going to answer that. We’ll talk about why the one-dimensional social battery metaphor doesn’t fully capture what’s happening in our brains and bodies. We’ll dive into the neuroscience behind exhaustion in autism and ADHD: it’s not just being “peopled out” – it’s also things like masking, sensory overload, executive function fatigue, chronic stress mode, and even missed signals from our own bodies.By understanding these factors, we can start to make sense of why just “resting” isn’t always enough for us. Importantly, we’ll discuss what real rest means for an AuDHD brain. I’ll share some strategies and tips on how to recharge the right way (because if your rest isn’t targeting the actual type of tired you are, it’s not going to truly restore you). And be sure to stick around till the end – I have 7 reflection questions for you. These will help you apply what we talk about to your own life, so you can figure out what drains your energy and how to refill your tank more effectively.So, grab a comfy seat, maybe a notebook, and let’s unpack why you’re still exhausted after rest – and what we can do about it.The Classic “Social Battery” Metaphor – And Its LimitsLet’s start with that “social battery” idea. It’s a popular way to describe energy levels, especially for introverts. The idea is pretty straightforward: social interaction uses energy, and solitude or downtime charges you back up. For example, if you spend all day socializing with coworkers or attending events, you might feel drained – your social battery is empty. Then you recharge by being alone, watching Netflix, reading, sleeping, what have you. The next day, your battery is full again (or at least partially recharged) and you repeat the cycle.This metaphor resonates because it acknowledges that socializing can be tiring, even if it’s fun. It’s commonly mentioned for conditions like ADHD or just shy/introverted personalities: “I need to recharge my social battery.” For neurotypical people, often a good night’s sleep or a quiet Sunday morning might indeed restore that sense of energy.But here’s the catch: the social battery model assumes only one dimension of fatigue – social energy in versus out. It treats all “rest” as equal, like plugging your phone into any charger will top it off. For those of us with ADHD, autism, or both (AuDHD), our experience tells a more complex story. We don’t just have a single battery that drains and refills; we have an entire panel of batteries or fuel tanks, each for different kinds of energy. Sometimes you’re not even sure which battery is low – you just know you’re running on fumes. And crucially, if you try to recharge in the wrong way, it’s like putting the wrong fuel in a car: you don’t get very far, and you might even stall out.Have you ever tried to rest – say you cleared your weekend to do nothing – and you did all the “right” restful things like sleeping in or binging a show, but you still felt wiped out on Monday? I’ve been there. Before I understood the multiple dimensions of burnout, I would get frustrated at myself: “I rested, why am I still tired? What’s wrong with me?” The social battery idea would have me believe that rest = recharge, so if I rested and I’m still tired, I must be doing something wrong. But the truth was, my rest wasn’t actually addressing the kind of exhaustion I had.The classic metaphor doesn’t account for things like:Mental overload – maybe your mind was exhausted from racing thoughts or decision-making, but your “rest” didn’t quiet your mind.Sensory overload – maybe your senses were still on high alert from...
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