• Chapter 42. Then-The Heart of Darkness
    Dec 13 2025

    In this chapter, Notch reflects on a significant event from September 1979. Sec and Walter, try to lift his spirits by inviting him to watch the film "Apocalypse Now" at the Ziegfeld Theatre. Notch, initially reluctant, agrees to go because of his admiration for Marlon Brando, who stars in the film. The movie brings back memories of the Vietnam War, and Notch shares his thoughts on the film's inaccuracies and its impact on him. He recalls his experiences with MACV-SOG soldiers and various operations he participated in during the war. He also observes the reactions of other veterans in the audience, noting their shared understanding and unspoken bond. The chapter ends with Notch reflecting on the film's portrayal of the war and its effect on him, as well as his enjoyment of people-watching during the movie.

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    10 mins
  • Chapter 41. "THEN: L'ANGE VENGEUR DE LA JUSTICE"
    Dec 7 2025

    Chapter 41, "THEN: L'ANGE VENGEUR DE LA JUSTICE":

    In this chapter, Notch follows his handler Sec's advice and spends a week and a half in Montreal. Although Montreal is known for its beautiful prostitutes, Notch isn’t there for pleasure. Instead, he spends his time eliminating criminals such as pimps, pushers, and other scum from the streets of Montreal. During this period, he kills 14 individuals, earning the nickname "L'ange vengeur de la justice" (The Avenging Angel of Justice) from The Montreal Star.

    After his spree in Montreal, he takes a three-month break from work. However, he struggles with his mental state, drinking heavily and engaging in self-destructive behavior. He reflects on his past actions and the emotional toll of his profession, particularly the incident where he let Osborne Whyte go, which marked the beginning of his internal conflict. He grapples with the idea of living a normal life, falling in love, and having a family, but ultimately realizes that the dark abyss of his profession is permanently bound to his soul.

    This chapter delves into Notch’s internal struggles and the moral complexities of his profession, highlighting the fine line between professional detachment and the emotional toll of taking lives. It provides a gritty and introspective look into the life of a contract killer, emphasizing the constant danger and the psychological impact of the job.

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    8 mins
  • Chapter 40. "THEN: HOME IS WHERE THE HIT IS-WASTE MANAGEMENT"
    Nov 30 2025

    Chapter 40, "THEN: HOME IS WHERE THE HIT IS-WASTE MANAGEMENT":

    In this chapter, Notch recounts a contract he took on for a crime family to eliminate a drug dealer in New Jersey. The hitman describes the meticulous planning and execution of the hit, including the elimination of the drug dealer's bodyguards and a Doberman that attacked him. He reflects on the challenges and dangers of his profession, particularly the issue of collateral damage, which often includes killing dogs and sometimes innocent bystanders.

    Notch also shares a conversation with his handler, Sec, who expresses concern over the excessive violence and the potential repercussions from the powerful crime family. Despite the successful completion of the hit, Notch is warned to lay low and avoid further work with the Cosa Nostra due to the heat generated by the collateral damage.

    The chapter delves into the hitman's internal struggles and the moral complexities of his profession, highlighting the fine line between professional detachment and the emotional toll of taking lives. It provides a gritty and introspective look into the life of a contract killer, emphasizing the constant danger and the psychological impact of the job.

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    10 mins
  • Chapter 39. THEN: START SPREADING THE NEWS
    Nov 23 2025

    Chapter 39.THEN: START SPREADING THE NEWS

    In this chapter, Notch is on the road, exhausted both mentally and physically, and calls Sec to inform him that he wants as many jobs lined up as possible. Despite his fatigue, he reflects on his recent actions, including killing a man in Little Rock and losing control in Houston. He acknowledges that he has become a psychopath, driven by vengeance. The chapter ends with Notch finding a photo strip of Gabriella, which triggers a mix of emotions, leading him to cry and masturbate, realizing he is a mess and determined to get back to Gabriella one way or another.

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    7 mins
  • Chapter 38. THEN: HOMEWARD BOUND
    Nov 15 2025

    Chapter 38. THEN: HOMEWARD BOUND

    In this chapter, Notch finds himself covered in blood (not his own) and facing a 20-hour drive alone with his thoughts. He decides to get as far away as possible, avoiding states where he might be on the radar. As he drives, he reflects on the past 72 hours, during which he killed two men, escaped arrest, and abandoned a woman he loved, likely ruining her life. Overwhelmed by guilt and despair, he contemplates suicide but ultimately cannot go through with it. Instead, he decides to return to Tulsa to seek vengeance on six men who had harmed Gabriella 17 years ago. The chapter ends with Notch determined to kill these men, showing no mercy or kindness.

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    12 mins
  • Chapter 37. THEN:VENDETTA
    Nov 8 2025

    In this chapter, Notch arrives in Houston around 2:00 am, determined to find information about Clint Rodham. His quest leads him to make several mistakes, including revealing his connection to Rodham. He eventually meets a man named Frenchy at a sex club, who arranges a meeting with Rodham. Rodham, depicted as a lowlife, is questioned about Cherry Wood. Notch lies and says he saw her stripping at a club in Nogales, Mexico. Rodham makes several vulgar references to Cherry, A.K.A. Gabriella and Notch driven by rage, kills Rodham with a clock and shoots Frenchy, leaving him to die slowly. The chapter ends with Notch reflecting on his actions and the loss of professionalism in his quest for vengeance.

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    12 mins
  • Chapter 36. THEN: HOUSEHUSBAND
    Nov 1 2025

    In this chapter, Notch finds himself alone in Gabriella's house for the first time. He takes the opportunity to vacuum and then snoop around, discovering various items that give him insight into Gabriella's life. He finds a small record collection, a variety of books, some recreational drugs, and alcohol. He also goes through her closet, imagining her in different outfits, which leads to a moment of self-awareness about his own nudity.

    A knock at the door interrupts his thoughts, and a delivery boy named Doug returns his cleaned and pressed clothes. Notch generously tips Doug and then decides to kill time by reading "Life on the Mississippi" by Mark Twain. He discovers that the book is a first edition, signed by Samuel Clemens, which deepens his admiration for Gabriella.

    As he prepares to propose to Gabriella, he realizes he doesn't have a ring and seeks advice from Missus Kelly, a neighbor. Missus Kelly, who insists on being called Harriet, offers him some heartfelt advice and directs him to a local jewelry store. However, his plans are interrupted by a visit from Police Commissioner Fortier, who reveals that he knows about Notch’s past and the murder he committed in 1963.

    The Commissioner gives Notch three options: face a deadly confrontation, be arrested and extradited, or leave the state and never return. The protagonist, realizing the gravity of the situation, decides to leave, despite his deep feelings for Gabriella. He makes the bed, changes clothes, and leaves without a note, feeling the weight of his past actions and the inevitability of his fate.

    The chapter ends with Notch contemplating his future as he crosses the Mississippi River, symbolizing his transition from one life to another.

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    25 mins
  • Chapter 35: Then-The Dream is Over
    Oct 25 2025

    In this chapter, Notch wakes up to the sound of Gabriella in the kitchen. They share a tender morning, discussing their love for New Orleans and the possibility of starting a new life in Youngstown. Gabriella reveals she has money saved up from her work, hinting at a future together. Their playful banter leads to a moment of intimacy, where Notch feels a deep sense of completeness and redemption.

    Gabriella prepares to leave for work, promising to return by 6 PM for a ferry ride. She gives Notch a book of Petrarch's works with a heartfelt inscription. As she leaves, they exchange loving words, and the protagonist is left contemplating their future. However, there's a foreshadowing of tragedy as he reflects that this was the last time he would make love for the rest of his life.

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    10 mins