The audiobook is now available on most platforms, including on our website - https://www.codependentmind.com/

In this chapter, we explore relationship boundaries - just as individuals need personal boundaries to maintain autonomy, relationships need boundaries to protect the shared entity of Us. These boundaries define what the partnership is, what each person can expect, and how to balance safety with openness. Without intentional definition, couples often inherit unexamined expectations from family, culture, or religion, which may not fit their needs. Boundaries are not rules to control a partner but agreements that protect and strengthen the relationship itself, ensuring it remains stable, nourishing, and respectful of all three entities—Me, You, and Us.

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The FULL AUDIOBOOK is now available through Amazon and other retailers and also from our website: https://www.codependentmind.com

This chapter/episode explores empathy as a core human capacity that evolved to support connection, community, and relationship. True empathy involves a dynamic system of cognition (understanding), emotion (sharing in the feeling), and behavior (responding in a way that reflects care and connection). It is foundational to all relational work—knowing, connecting, and strengthening the partnership.

Brian reflects on his early misuse of empathy, where hyper-attunement to others' emotions was driven by fear, shame, and a desire to manage emotional threat. This self-protective "empathy-like" behavior was rooted in emotional management and codependent survival strategies. The turning point came in his relationship with Stephanie. By choosing to stay present in moments of shame and discomfort, he began to use empathy functionally rather than performatively. This shift allowed for deeper connection and trust. Now, empathy is a too, used not to manage others' feelings, but to understand and respond authentically within an interdependent relationship.

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In this episode, Brian reads Chapter 4, which explores what it means to "do the work" in relationships, distinguishing between compulsive, performative labor rooted in childhood survival strategies and the intentional, collaborative work required for emotionally healthy partnerships. The chapter also sets the stage for the rest of the book by introducing the concept of relationship tools: emotions, behaviors and resources that can either build or erode connection depending on how they are used. Each tool will be examined for its purpose, misuse, and proper function, with a focus on outcomes rather than moral judgments.

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Contact us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/me-you-and-us

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