7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud cover art

7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud

7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud

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 7. What is Autism Part 3: Routine, Rattled, and Ready: Living the DSM Out Loud SUMMARY In this lively and validating episode, Patricia (she/her) and Alex (they/them) unpack how the DSM describes autism versus how it actually feels to live it. They explore everyday stimming, sensory seeking, routines, and how nervous system regulation shapes reactions, from "that's my chair" moments to deep nervous system truths. Expect laughter, nuance, and honest conversation about honoring neurodivergent needs without pathologizing them. SOME KEY THINGS DISCUSSED The DSM criteria often miss the lived experience of autistic adults, especially those diagnosed later in life. Stimming is a nervous system regulation tool, not a "behavior to stop." Examples of stimming include toe rubbing, lip chewing, fidgeting, humming, rocking, hair twirling, and even organizing candy by color. Everyone stims—autistic and neurotypical folks alike—it's about soothing and grounding. "Stealth stimming" can be subtle and unconscious, like rubbing fabrics, counting, or shifting in a chair. Sensory seeking is tied to comfort, curiosity, and pleasure—touching textures, smelling things, or petting animals. Stimming can also show up as repetitive speech, watching the same show, or humming, which activates the vagus nerve. Routine and familiarity bring safety. Unexpected changes can cause distress, not because of rigidity but due to nervous system overwhelm. Autistic distress over disrupted routines often differs from OCD—it's rooted in needing predictability and sensory balance, not irrational fear. Personal stories illustrate how "my chair" or "don't move my stuff" moments aren't about control but about regulation and respect. Many late-diagnosed adults mask or internalize distress, leading to exhaustion or self-criticism. Externalized dysregulation (meltdowns) and internalized distress (shutting down, self-blame) are both valid responses. "Size of the problem" teaching models can feel invalidating when they dismiss autistic nervous system reactions. The nervous system reaction is always valid, even if the expression of it needs tools for safety and alignment with one's values. Perseveration (looping thoughts, emotions, or worries) isn't a choice—it's how the neurodivergent brain processes deeply. "Get over it" advice misses that emotional regulation takes as long as it takes. Humor and self-awareness help—especially when noticing our quirks like candy sorting or counting behaviors. Clear rules and predictable structures are calming; shifting expectations without notice can be deeply dysregulating. Autistic self-awareness is not about eliminating reactions, but learning self-compassion and tools for regulation. SOUNDBITES "Living in these meat bodies could be a whole series." –Patricia "Everyone stims. It's just that autistic folks need it to stay regulated." –Alex "If we could stop perseverating on a thing, we would. It's not fun to be stuck."--Alex "My husband knows—don't touch my stuff, don't move my stuff." –Patricia "The feeling and the reaction are valid. How we manage it is what we can work on." –Patricia CHAPTERS (Please adjust for the addition of the intro): 00:00 Introduction and Personal Check-in 01:29 Exploring DSM Criteria for Autism 02:15 Understanding Stimming and Its Variations 05:40 The Role of Stimming in Self-Regulation 09:41 Sensory Seeking Behaviors 12:38 Criteria B2: Safety in Familiarity and Routine 17:03 Reactions to Disruption and Managing Responses 24:08 Understanding Nervous System Responses 27:11 Processing Emotions and Feelings 28:35 The Importance of Clear Rules 32:24 Safety in Passionate Interests 36:21 Exploring Sensory Differences ABOUT YOUR HOSTS: Alex McLaughlin (they/them) has a Master's in Social Work, and is a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on Wahpekute land (colonized as MN). Alex is an AuDHDer, PDAer, Queer, non-binary, fat, chronically ill, disabled, & a multi-racial (1/8th Chinese & white passing) human with lived experience of OCD. As a late diagnosed adult, Alex has felt different and embraced their quirky, eccentric nature—what they now recognize as undiagnosed AuDHD. This lifelong experience of masking and curiosity about people inspired their passion for understanding and serving others, ultimately shaping their path today. Alex provides neurodivergent and Queer-affirming therapy and Autism and ADHD assessments on Wahpekute land (colonized as Minnesota). Their work is grounded in intersectional feminism, ecological systems theory, and a commitment to decolonizing mental health care. They support clients in exploring how interconnected systems shape their experiences, while fostering resilience, empowerment, and self-understanding—especially for Neurodivergent, 2SLGBTQIA+, BIPOC/POGM, and disabled communities. Trained in ERP, I-CBT (including ND-affirming I-CBT), sand tray therapy, TF-CBT, and somatic approaches, Alex also brings ...
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