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6: Asking for help

6: Asking for help

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 In a world where we revere how impressive people are for doing things “all on their own” no wonder we struggle with asking for help. This week we talk about why it’s hard to ask for help, how we can start to get more comfortable asking for help, and a little bit about how we just like each other.Things we referencedJenny Mitchell’s book - Embracing AmbitionOur episode on people pleasingTranscript[00:00:00] Rowan: I'm making myself very vulnerable, and when I make myself very vulnerable, I'm opening myself up to criticism. And I think that is a big reason why people don't ask for help. Welcome to this episode of Unboxing It. I am Rowan.And I'm Lara.And today we are going to talk about a thing that I think is gonna make some people feel called out learning to ask for help.[00:00:51] Lara: Although I will say sounds like from some of the feedback that we've gotten from the podcast so far, potentially most of our episodes are making people feel called out.[00:01:01] Rowan: Yeah. That there's a lot of people who are like, I am like uncomfortable at how much I feel called out by this, but also thank you. At the same time. So I feel like all these societal messages that we are talking about really are in fact societal messages that are crossing generational gaps. and various other demographics.[00:01:25] Lara: Yeah. It's time to talk about them more. And so that's why we're just gonna keep unboxing all these things.[00:01:32] Rowan: That was really good. That was some good marketing there. Just bringing that segue back into the name of the podcast. That's why we have you here, Ms Wellman. So yeah, so today is, this is actually not as hard for me as I think it is for a lot of people, but I'm gonna tell you a bit of a backstory to explain why so.I wasn't necessarily raised to ask for help. We're Gen X kids, the two of us, and gen X kids were largely told to fend for themselves. Like it was really that whole stereotype of you know, being kicked out in the morning, in the summer and like, go find something to do. Running around with your friends, whatever it is you're doing all day and like coming home when the street lamps come on.Like that. That was my childhood. I, I don't know about you, Lara , but[00:02:22] Lara: yeah, I mean, I think I had a little bit more of an overprotective mom, but like compared to what that means now.[00:02:28] Rowan: Like that[00:02:29] Lara: is not, that is not what that meant then[00:02:31] Rowan: like Gen X overprotective. Yeah. It's very[00:02:35] Lara: different[00:02:35] Rowan: my mom used to be like you can go to the park, but you can't go alone. You have to go with a friend. And that was weird because most of my friends would just be going to the park on the road like that. Yeah. So, yes, I'm with you on that. I did sometimes have a check-in once or twice during the day, but really I learned that if there was a problem, I.I had to deal with it on my own. That takes me to the tender age of 14, and at 14 years old, I sat down with my parents after getting into a lot of trouble, getting kicked outta school running away from home, a whole bunch you know, and just being in a really bad place. And I said, I'm having a hard time.I can't stop drinking every time I'm stressed. I drink every time. I'm sad, I drink. And I don't know what to do about it. And to make a long story short, my mom got on the phone with anybody who would listen. She called everywhere. She talked to everybody, and finally somebody said, yes, we can get your child into a rehab center.So I went to a live-in rehab center for six months. That changed my perspective on asking for help because I did ask for help. I received the help and that help ultimately saved my life. I, I learned that I didn't have to go at it alone. And even in the rest of my life where I've run into tricky situations, I've been able to tap into the resources that are available and ask for that help.But that is me and that is a rare find. I have found.[00:04:14] Lara: Yeah. I think that there are some people who never want to ask for help. There are some people who will ask for help, like around certain categories of things, but other ones they won't. Right? Like there's certain ways that we feel about what it means about us to ask for help, and I think that's why most people don't wanna ask for help.It's not 'cause they're trying to not be a burden. It's because they're worried that by asking for help. That is going to say something about who they are.[00:04:43] Rowan: My partner went on stress leave a little while ago, and I remember even in that situation her feeling worried that going on stress leave, asking her doctor for help asking for that time off from her employer would put her in a situation where she might be viewed as less trustworthy.Less reliable, right? She would be seen perhaps as a burden, and if they were to do some layoffs, she might end up at the top of the list. So what do you do when you are dealing with something...
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